Once upon a time...I had this dream. I was going to be a best selling author. I was going to write wonderful things that would make people think, laugh,cry. From my writings they would learn or they would be able to escape for a while into a world of my making. It was my dream, it was my goal. Somewhere along the way something happened.
I write, I have never quit writing. Depending on the mood and the muse it is either poetry, short stories or even working on the great American novel. It just isn't my career. Its still a dream, but its turned out to be more of a hobby than a goal. Even as I yearn for that dream to become reality..I do what I know how. I ignore the tears of loss, the frustration of feeling the failure and do what I must.
As a teenager my very first real job was in a hosiery mill. They had an order that the customer wanted packed differently. All the hosiery had been returned and the company had hired several people to shove these hose into what was called pencil boxes. I was good, I was really good, quick and with a good enough dexterity to go through the trays of hosiery quickly. I was paid hourly with those on production complaining that they were going to be expected to pack that much once the school year began again and I would no longer be there. I ignored them and did what I had to, what I was good at doing.
After school I went back, but it wasn't the same. My mother had worked there before and now she was no longer in the work force. I didn't like it, wanted out and eventually moved on. I went to work at a different plant on a machine. I was running a winder on second shift. Single and not really dating it wasn't a bad shift. Over the course of time I changed jobs. I moved living in a different state for a while. My writing was mostly letters, but my creative side still slipped out in my sketches. I held low paying jobs where in some I endured things I had only heard about, dodged things I wanted nothing to do with and survived. Thankfully I moved back home to a place I understood and loved.
Between then and now I have been married, divorced, gone through things that I would have never thought I would have done or dealt with. But I did. Not only that, I survived to tell about it, which I do in part from time to time. I don't tell it all because I don't want some of those things that happened to get back to my parents. As a parent I know how it hurts to know your children are hurting or have been hurt. I'll protect them from that in any and every way I can. I know they suspect, but they don't need confirmation.
Now, and for the last 21 years I have worked at a textile plant making specialty yarns. I know it, I'm good at it. I better be after all this time. I know what the various customers want and require. I know by memory what most of the years should look like and what special set ups are required in getting that look. I know this job. At one time we were working four ten hour days, now we are back on five eight hour days. I really miss those Fridays off giving us that long weekend. But you have to do what they tell you.
My sense of humor tends to get me into trouble, some don't understand it, some laugh, some just look at me oddly and walk away.
They know how I love to wander and walk and take nature photos and they know how I love to write. Some even listen to me talk about my writing..they don't understand it all, especially when I get off on some fantasy tale. When you make up creatures..then try to talk about them to non-writers you tend to get some really odd looks. A couple times I feared that they were about to call for the men with the white jackets and net.
I was among several that were sending editorial type articles to the local paper, but they changed a lot of things and are no longer running those like they once did. Now I send them to a small free weekly salespaper. Slowly those that followed me in the local paper are finding me in this one. I self-published three books, two poetry and one young adult fantasy novel. I'm not a business person, I don't know how to go about doing the promoting to get these noticed. They're still available online, but I haven't said much about them. I haven't given up on them, I'll figure out something. A friend I know has paid the cost for me to have a profile page on a site, I just have to have paypal..I have as yet to figure out how to set it up properly. James said he was going to help me - something he does a lot. I'm working on a collection of short stories, memoir-type stuff. I finally came up with a title I'm happy with, I was allowing that to be a stumbling block. Now I have to check with a person that was recommended about publishing through them. What little I know sounds good, better than what I did before on my own.
Some of my non-writing friends as I said do not understand this driving force within me. They don't understand how my dream of becoming a best selling author could be so important. They have even made comments that have left me wondering, hurting, doubting. Picking apart my writing, finding fault...leaving me disappointed and discouraged. I could understand constructive criticism that points out the bad..and the good. I know I'll shake it off. I know the driving force won't allow me to sit here in this little pity puddle long. I'll write, I'll publish, I'll promote, I'll sell..
Until then, I'll do what I know. I'll get up every morning and get ready to go and work in that textile plant. I'll help make the yarn that allows others to create things of beauty. After my sift is up, I'll go home, I'll pick up my camera and walk. I'll get home and write about what I found along my walk. I'll follow my muse don't its own winding paths to where ever it leads. and I'll dream, I'll always dream.
Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @
http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587
and now also at
Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com
The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @
http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820
and other online sites
Blessed in His Promises by Rebecca Stepp Revels available at:
https://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945
all books available at Bookin' It your mobile bookstore www.bookin-it.com
All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com
http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels
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