emotions are powerful
Looking back.....my cancer was in 2008....looking back, I can say that emotions play a big part in our life. Bigger than we may realize. There are so many stages to how we take things. I believe that as in many things we must face, each having their own set of emotions attached, we just have to work through each one as we progress into the situation.
I
think, as I left that office, there was a part of me that already knew
that I had-something-and that it was most likely cancer. Too many of
those I had interacted with were just acting too suspicious. From
talking way too much to not saying much at all in the way of answering
questions. I would hazard a guess in that was the way they were trained,
but it doesn't help ones concerns.
As
you wait for the call that would give you some answers you begin to
allow all manner of thoughts, fears, concerns to run amok in your mind
creating all manner of strange scenarios. Or you simply deny the whole
thing and continue to go about your life as if nothing is wrong. There
are questions that creep into your thoughts, followed by the not
happening denials. You have this continuous running dialog in your head
that drives you and anyone you might open up to crazy. Then again, you
may simply not say anything, ignoring any and all possibilities.
Fear,
is a dark emotion that kills joy. Fear eats at your life, taking big
chunks out of your peace of mind. Stopping the music and song that your
heart sings. Stealing the colors that make up the rainbow of your life.
Fear takes the warmth and leaves you cold. Movement becomes difficult as
you fear taking any steps at all, not knowing what may lay right around
the bend, or thinking you know and not wanting to face it. Now or ever.
Fear is a darkness, you wrestle with thoughts that steal the light and
leave you hurting.
Anger
as you shake your fists at fate and shout that it isn't fair. Why me,
why now, why why why??? You don't want this, you hate this you do NOT
want to deal with this. Not now, not ever. Anger is a lot like fear in
what it does to your life only it isn't as cold. Its red hot and
destroys all within range.
Hope,
is what keeps you moving forward. Hope that it isn't as you fear, but
knowing if it is, you'll be okay. One way or the other all will be fine.
Trust,
goes hand in hand with hope. You trust that the diagnoses is correct.
You trust in the doctors who will care for you and that the treatments
will be what is needed and will take the dangers away. You trust that
those around you will still be there no matter what, that they will help
in what ever way you need them as you need them.
You learn a lot as you contemplate possibilities. You learn you are stronger, braver, more capable than you thought you were. You learn about things you never knew or contemplated before. You learn who will be there for you, you learn, who has always been there for you.
Acceptance,
in that you have been told the truth. You do have to face this, it
isn't going to just go away. Acceptance that there is going to be a lot
going on. Doctors, treatments, surgery, medicine and all that goes along
with it. Acceptance in that you are facing a long road, but you can do
this.
Knowing, that what ever you face...you are not alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment