... as I was meant to.....

                                          Last Monday I went down to mom's and dug up two small tulip trees. I then walked across the dirt road and dug up what mom called a coconut tree. I carried these up to the house and planted them in different areas of the yard. The coconut thing looks pretty good, it has a small amount of wilting in one area. One of the tulip trees doesn't look good at all, but I'm hoping a little tender loving care will save it. I went up to water these earlier and was amazed at how many of my cone flowers have suddenly burst forth in bloom. I was searching everywhere for cone flowers to purchase, when the ones I had planted last year decided to let me know they were still here.

                                           Why did I bring all of this up?  I guess a couple of reasons actually. One being that here I am, having been uprooted from the life I knew and transplanted into a totally different lifestyle. I knew my husband was not the healthiest of people, but I really never thought he would leave me alone like this. I've gone from being a wife to being a widow. Separated from my life partner much like the trees were dug up and separated from their mother plant. The trees are struggling and learning how to survive on their own, as I am. Their roots are having to grown and reach deep into the earth to give them the support and nutrients they need to survive. I am having to seek out the things that will strengthen me, that will feed my spirit and give me the ability to move on into this new normal. At times, I'm going to feel very wilted from the stress of this life. At times, I'm  going to feel like finding a dark corner to hide away from what I don't want to face. At times, I'm going to wish for a little attention from friends and family to help me over the rough spots. My prayer life has definitely gotten stronger and deeper.

                                              With the emergence of the cone flowers, I believe that I'm being shown that with a little patience, I will see that life is still beautiful. The flowers, the music, the laughter, is still there. It is biding its time to appear at the right time. When my heart needs to see it the most. That even though at times in this life, the color, the beauty, the glorious sights of nature and life, can seem hidden or even gone completely, but when we least expect it, or when we need it the most, if we open our eyes and hearts, we will see that they are still here with us.

                                             I have noticed that flowers have even came up in areas where I did not plant them. I imagine that they are either offshoots of other plants or from seeds dropped by birds or scattered by the winds.  When I see them, I realize that all of our words and actions are seeds. They can be seeds of weeds that attempt to take over our life and make us miserable. They can be envy, anger, self pity, hate, any and all of the negative, destructive emotions and actions. Or, they can be the seeds of good things, the seeds of life and growth. Hope, faith, love, encouragement, compassion, any and all that are building and creating of good. I will be honest in that there are times when some of the good emotions are difficult to find. Especially when I see or hear something that reminds me of my husband and his loss. Then, I look at the flowers in my garden. Fighting against the weeds that need to be removed, fighting against the insects and diseases that appear, reaching upward and seeking the sun, they show their beauty to all who will look. They don't give up or give in. They provide color, beautiful aromas and food for the bees and butterfly. Theirs are the seeds of good.

                                           Then, when the hour grows late, and the sky darkens, the solar lights that are all about my flower garden will begin to come on. A light in the darkness, a light that shows the fence is there. A light that guides, that chases away the dark. I will remember the love I shared with my husband. I will remember that he would never want us to be this sad.  I will remember and think of the love that God has for me. I will seek His light and hopefully reflect it outward.  Like the flowers that had sprung up from the ground and risen above the weeds around them, I will rise above the sadness, the loneliness and live as I was meant to.