Alone

Hey Honey,

Yesterday I read an article about a young woman who was involved in a single vehicle accident. Somehow, she lost control of her vehicle and left the road hitting a tree. Her vehicle caught fire, most of her clothing was burned away, but somehow she got out of the vehicle. I'm not sure whether she got out on her own or was helped out. I mention this, because of what happened next. A truck driver stopped and stayed with her as they awaited transport to a hospital. Reportedly he kept saying something about she was just a baby, the article said she was twenty-five. Her injuries were so severe that she did not survive. The article said that her family members are looking for the truck driver who stayed with her, they want to thank you for making sure she wasn't alone in her final moments. That is the reason I mention this, she wasn't alone.

 I feel so badly, this brought the tears and the hurt back to the surface again. No one was with you. They found you, in your truck, slumped over and alone. Physically alone anyway, and that breaks my heart that when it came your time to leave us, no one was with you.

 That time in Georgia, when the paramedics said you were so close to death when they found you, but they were with you and they got you quickly to a hospital. I was going so crazy trying to find out something, anything about what was going on. All of those new privacy laws were making it impossible until a friend contacted me and got their pastor to go to the hospital. James and I were packing, ready to head that way when you said don't come. But you weren't alone.

 That time your oxygen levels got so low here and mom took you to the doctor. The doctor called for an ambulance, and mom waited with you. I was at the hospital before you got there, so you once again, were not alone. As soon as the person there called my name, I was up and following them back to where you waited for treatments.

 On March 7th, no one was with you. You were parked in a truck stop in what might as well have been a million miles away, when you were called home. I had spoken with you that morning. I had spoken with you often over the weekend, you felt so badly and thought you were coming down with the flu, or even pneumonia. You had thought if you could just rest over the weekend, that you would feel better, but you didn't and you wanted to come home. You had spoken with your dispatcher and he was searching for a load that would get you here. Both of us had spoken with you around nine that morning. Then suddenly, no one could reach you.  It was around 11am, that you were found, alone in your truck, slumped over, already gone. The one who found you, called for help, they tried, but it was too late.

It bothers me, that you were physically alone. It hurts, that you left us, with no one by your side. That you were so very far away. It pains me deeply, when I think of this, and I think of this often.

 Even as I understand, that it is only physically that you were alone, even as I understand, that there were probably angels at your side, guiding you toward the glorious gates of Heaven. Even as I believe, that family members who have left us before, were there, waiting to welcome you, it still hurts. I know, that you closed your eyes here, and opened them there, in Heaven's glory, I know, that our Lord and Savior was there to welcome you home. All of this I know, and it does comfort me, and I do pray about the pain and guilt I feel that I didn't say to you, when you first complained about being sick, to come home. That we would get you to the doctor. I did not tell you that, I didn't stop you from just taking that weekend break so far away. So you left us, alone. And your being alone, is the hardest thing to take.

 The praise in this, is that you were parked, that big truck was not driving down the roadway anywhere, meaning that no one else was in danger. Should you have been called home while driving down the highway, that could have been disastrous. The praise in this, is that I know, you are no longer suffering. I know, that you can breathe easily again, that you don't hurt and can do all of the things that you once were able to do easily.  You said often, that you would give anything if you could breathe again, well, you did. And while this would still hurt, it might not hurt quite as badly if only you had been home.

 I hope that family finds that truck driver and are able to thank him. I hope that the good folks at Abilene told the driver who found you, that I said thank you. I pray, that at some point, I can get past this sadness in myself, over your being alone.
 I  miss you and I will always love you..