Its been a while since I've added anything here. Working ten hour days takes a lot out of me physically and mentally, so I come home exhausted and barely able to carry on an intelligent conversation. to try and write a blog that is somewhat intelligent, comprehensible and interesting seems beyond that level of capability. However, yesterday something was brought to my attention that means I need to try and start doing better and trying to find ways to supplement my income in some way. Don't get me wrong, I don't write mainly to try to earn any financial gain, even though that would be nice, I write because I am driven. I'm driven to share the thoughts of my heart, the ideas of my spirit and the hopes of my soul. The hope being, that somewhere along the way, someone gets something from those words.
All of that being said, what has brought me back here, after being missing for so long, is partly what was stated above, partly that I've missed this activity and partly because I wanted to share my thoughts again.
-
What thoughts? The thoughts that I have disappointed myself. When my husband passed away in March of 2017 we were in a deep financial bind. Not as bad as some I know, but bad for us, and suddenly there was no 'us' there was me and I had the responsibility of taking care of and resolving that debt. There was also a funeral and marker to purchase. While my husband did have some insurance, it wasn't enough to cover what was owed. The company he drove for had a policy on him that they have on all drivers. It was meant to be in case the worst happened and the body was needed to be gotten home. This was something that I misunderstood, but as used to cover his funeral and part of the cost of the headstone. The life insurance covered some but not all of our debt, so I cashed in a part of my own life insurance to get me to a point of stability.
Then came stuff that needed repairs or replacing. My kitchen stove started exploding burners, this stove was so old that the burners were built in and not replaceable. My refrigerator went out, leaking something all over the kitchen floor. My roof started leaking badly. My vehicle, which had been dependable for so long, suddenly wasn't. It would stop at very inopportune times putting me at risk. A bad storm came up that caused this room to flood, ruining the carpeting and just in general making a mess.
Sound familiar? I know that others have dealt with worse. Storms have came through that have destroyed everything that they own, everything that is essential to their livelihood. I know, that people have had to stand back and watch raging forest fires destroy their homes. I know, that there are those who have watched helplessly as major floods have washed away everything that was important to them, from homes, to farmlands and animals. I know, that as bad as I felt that things were for me, others have a much more difficult time. I would never try to make my concerns and problems seem to be on the same level as theirs.
But to me, its a problem that needs addressing and finding a resolution for. I have to for my physical, emotional and mental well-being. Maybe, in the process of working this out, someone else can benefit as well.
Yesterday, my son came into this room laughing. He reminded me that since he is also on my checking account, he can see how much is in there. I thought that he was going to tell me something good, not that my balance was $4.90. To say that I was shocked was an understatement. I went immediately to my account and began checking everything. Nothing was amiss. A lot of my bills had just auto-paid at the same time and with me not getting any overtime at work, I was looking at $4.90 in my account. It was all my fault. I still had the overtime pay mentality and not the normal forty hour week pay reality.
I need a thought and action reset, because it doesn't appear that overtime is going to come back any time soon. My age, even though there is supposed to be no age discrimination, is a problem with the thought of changing jobs. Even though places like Walmart pay better, I know the amount of hours allowed would not help me any. To try and take on a second job sounds daunting as well, due to the fact that I get exhausted from what I do now. I don't want to put myself in the hospital from exhaustion. Am I making excuses? Maybe.
I've tried those online sell creation sites, but never really did well. It could be because I wasn't diligent enough. It may be that I didn't push hard enough. I still have the sites, but haven't updated them in a while. Disappointment and feeling the failure at creative endeavors largely the reason. I also need a new flash for the camera before I can take the photos I want to create more items. Another excuse?
I've been working on and off on the story about my late husband's life. I promised that he wouldn't be forgotten and I think that there is information in that story that could help others. It gets difficult though at times remembering. Plus the fact, I just don't know what to do with it when I finish it. I would love to have a publisher be interested, I simply don't know how to go about finding one. I tried once upon a time to find bookstores to carry my self published books, the response was to say the least, not good. I do understand that brick and mortar stores prefer books that are published through publishing houses and not the self published route. However that experience left me disappointed yet again.
One thing I can do, is learn to be more fiscally responsible. I don't buy junk food or coffee at work or even when I'm out and about. I always carry my own. I don't eat out much, and usually when I do, my son pays for those meals. The vehicle that I purchased uses a lot less gas than my old one did so that helps tremendously. My biggest weakness is and has been for years are flowers and solar lights. I know, that I am going to have to adopt a, look but don't touch attitude. There are nice, they are pretty, but they are a want not a need. Therefore, they have to become currently unavailable to me.
My biggest expense other than that car payment, is groceries. You would think that with it just being me and my son, that groceries wouldn't be that much, but there are also three dogs and two cats to feed. Two of the dogs and the cats are family from before my husband passed. Molly was an addition because I thought that Buddy was headed for the Rainbow bridge only to have fooled me. So my plan now has to be how to lower that grocery bill and how to find ways to supplement my income so that I can raise that balance in my checking account to a less concerning amount.
It is going to be an adventure of learning and putting into practice what I learn. I am looking to this as a journey created out of necessity, but one that could lead to more control over my finances, more peace of mind, and maybe, just maybe even better health in the long run. Because this won't be just about cutting back on groceries, not buying flowers, but in finding ways to enjoy life in a way that won't hurt the wallet.
Come along with me and see what we can find along the way............
No comments:
Post a Comment