Good morning all-
The sun is out, the birds are singing, I'm half way through a pot of
coffee and my heart is at peace. It is summer in the south. Its just
after nine in the morning here and already over eighty degrees
Fahrenheit. The sun is bright and the day promises to be worthy of
looking forward to what ever adventure awaits. But even in the good
times, when the days seem to hold happiness within, there are memories
of sadness and struggle. We each have faced moments that hold varying
degrees of sadness, confusion, grief, even anger. It is up to us, to not
allow those memories and moments to make life more difficult.
My
husband has been gone over seven years, my brother five, we have other
family members who have been gone longer. Memories and the accompanying
grief does creep up from time to time. I admit to still feeling a
resentment over losing a long held job, though that emotion lessens with
each passing day. Especially with the understanding that I was taken
out of the job to be able to be here for my parents. There are moments
of being weary. Tired of a responsibility that often seems overwhelming.
Knowing though, that this responsibility is also a blessing. Caring for
my parents a gift given to me and my family.
Every night before I lie down to sleep, there is a long
conversation in prayer. Because of this time, I am afforded a restful
night. I have placed my cares at the foot of the cross and leave them
there. Sometimes those conversations are longer than others. Sometimes,
there is much more going on that my shoulders alone can bear.
The last few years have been a strange journey. When you are
one with poor directional ability and are suddenly cast on a journey of
discovery, it doesn't come easily. I am very thankful that as Believer
and Follower, I have my God to guide me, shelter me from the worst of
storms and protect me when needed. Yet, I am human with human weakness,
so there are those times when it gets a bit much.
When you
have been through much in your life, you have a deeper understanding of
the pain of others. At times, that understanding, becomes difficult to
bear. Prayer and a giving it to God is the only answer and solution-
even though at times, that too is difficult.
At the service
for a family member years ago, when it had moved to graveside, I saw my son. he was standing
at the edge of the graveyard, he could not make himself walk down to
where we were. He has not been able to set foot there since his dad was
buried. He stood at a respectful distance and waited. I could feel his
pain. Tomorrow is Father's Day, his dad and his half sister, will have
to deal with their private pain. I can't even as I wish I could, take
that away. It is their journey to travel.
Life is a journey.
For some reason, even as I know people, with the exception of family who
have their own lives, I am traveling mine alone. There is a reason,
something I need learn, a growing I need to accomplish. I accept it for
what it is, even as it is lonely at times. I will sit and view the
photos and read what is shared by those who spend time with friends, who
have their trips and meals, and I'll smile and be happy for them. I'll
listen to the adventures of those who work, and smile. I will learn, how
to walk alone in happiness. I will find the courage to get out and go. I
will find the happiness that I know God has intended for me. I will be
content in this journey, for it is mine, and it is not meant to be one
of sadness.
Today is a new day. Today I will smile, I will
stand tall, I will take care in my responsibilities, and I will find the
reasons to smile. For I am a child of the King, and He loves me, this
life, this journey my walk with and to Him.
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