Fitting In

 

I was trying to write a blog on not taking things personally. I didn't get very far because that is an ongoing problem for me. No matter how many times my son reminds me that not everything is about me, it is still a struggle.  I won't go into how many times I've walked away from someone angry enough to chew up ten penny nails and spit out thumb tacks. Biting back the words I wanted to say, hoping that I had misunderstood even when I was pretty sure I hadn't. I was reasonably sure that the person had meant to do or say exactly what they had.

How many times have I fought the tears brought on by feelings hurt by the words or actions of another. How many times have I been with others to be ignored no matter how I tried to join in? How many times have I sat and watched as others discussed something that I was not invited to be a part of?

Its easy to get upset at others if their tone of voice or attitude strikes you wrong. Maybe they meant to sound that way, maybe they didn't. Maybe they didn't even realize how they sounded. There are those who are perpetually angry or sarcastic and enjoy verbally slicing into others. There are those whose personality could give one the feeling that they are meaner than they really are if you are not accustomed to them and their actions. There are also those who seem to be the sweetest and most kind who are, but those who are the exact opposite in truth and action.

There are so many different social cues that it can be difficult to know how to act around who. One can also have difficulty in handling situations properly. Fear, insecurity, being introverted or empathic, all add to the problems with knowing how to act and react in groups or even in one on one conversations. I won't admit to how many times I've walked away kicking myself for something I said or did that I felt should have been left unsaid or done. Not realizing that most of the time my words and actions are quickly forgotten or not even noticed to begin with.

Sometimes we try so hard to fit in with others, that we lose who we are. We cannot be this way for this group, that way for another and then someone else for others. When we live our life honestly as who we are, there will be those who accept us for who we are. Faults and all. Mistakes and all. Insecurities and all. We won't need to beg or fight for their friendship.

I do try not to allow the words and or actions of others to drag me down. It is not an easy thing, to not take things personally. It isn't easy to be the strong one, the one determined not to sink to that level when one you are dealing with may be cruel. It isn't easy to find your people, the ones who love you for you. It isn't easy, but it is so worth it in the long run.