Lessons Across Time

 

Not being employed or having a productive hobby gives me plenty of time to think. From time to time I've had conversations face to face or online with people who have mentioned that they can tell a difference in me. I'll be honest, I can tell a difference in me.

Back when the virus thing first showed up, there was some concern but not much as I felt safe in my job,I knew they were doing what they thought best to protect the employees and I didn't go much of anywhere after work anyway.

Then, I got the call letting me know I no longer had a job. That rocked my world a bit. I just wasn't expecting that after having been told often that I would always be there and my job was secure. I was hurt. I was angry. I felt betrayed.

But. I love it when there's a but..Looking back now after over time, I can see that this has worked out for the best. Now, over four years along, the mental angst I felt then, has faded to a point of nothing more than the annoyance of a mosquito. The desire to spew vocal venom over the loss of job and the way it was done is gone. Because I can see all that has come since.

 My parents are getting up in years. They have health issues and needs that I am able to assist with since I am here. Time passing has taken a heavy toll on them, but it tends to do that to us all.

I was told when I was let go that I would be called back when things picked up. I needed something to do while I waited. Yard work.

What began then simply as a project to give me something to do and make my yard look better in appearance and be safer in use has brought about so much more. That is only strengthened by my current home and yard projects.

When the first section was completed, there was a really good feeling of accomplishment. There was also a feeling of peace inside as I was doing the work all on my own as much as possible. If something was too heavy, I did ask my son for help, but most times I found a way to get things done on my own. The job I had, always kept me pretty busy, so I'm used to activity, but I was using muscles that I didn't ordinarily use. Still, parts of it became methodical. When you start doing something like that, you can get a rhythm and it helps bring about a feeling of peace.

As each section of the yard was cleared, I felt better. The first time I found many snakes along the way, most nonvenomous, but a few that were dangerous and who were immediately relocated. This time I have not found any reptiles other than the very small and totally harmless.

I've been reading books that are educational and enlightening. I have not been able to sit and read in forever. There was always an interruption. Because of that my focus and attention span had suffered. Still now, years in, I find myself late in the evening reading and finding peace in the moments.

With all of the time that I have had here on my own, all the time to search my own heart and mind, I have found something that was long misplaced..me. I do still have those moments of stress, especially when I am concerned about my son or parents. Otherwise, there is a peace inside that has long been missing. I am very happy at long last with me. I like me, I like the life I have been given, I am content. I will admit that there are those rare moments when the solitude can be lonely, but it is a passing moment. I feel that this time has purpose. If I were popular and highly social, I could not be here for my parents. They need me more than I need a social status.

I am blessed with a home that sits in the woods. I can listen to the birds, I can watch what ever critter wanders by, I can watch the hummingbirds defend the feeders from each other. I have a body that still can do pretty much what I ask, I have a mind that is hungry for more understanding of expanded topics. I have a heart that loves and I have a soul that while seeks to find ways to make life better for others, is content with mine otherwise. The days of darkness have faded to near nothing, a disappearing point in the distance. Time heals and time instructs. I feel I have grown in many ways.  My mind, heart and spirit knows where my help comes from, my help comes from the Lord.

Psalm 121 1

I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.