Even as I was weak...I was strong

Once upon a time, life was innocent. Growing up on a dead-end, dirt lane- sheltered from the real world we (I) lived in a happily ever after state of mind. There were games to be played, bikes to be ridden, creeks to be waded in. There were hammocks waiting, trees to be climbed and cool, clear water from the well to quench our thirst. Life was good. Life was simple.




The real world can be cruel.



Relationships that don't work as hoped. Jobs that don't last. But the feelings here on the dirt road remain the same. Peace covers the area, healing waits around ever bend in the path. Calm is found along the way, waiting to heal a broken spirit.



Once upon a time I was very naive. I believed in that happily ever after. Nothing worried me, I feared nothing, I was strong and dealt with what ever came. Right up until..IT.. came.



I was caught off guard, blindsided by a diagnoses that I wasn't expecting. My very first mammogram ..my very FIRST mammogram caught it. I had cancer. It was small according to the surgeon. I endured all of the tests and procedures and questions. I was poked and prodded and x-rayed and stuck in that giant metal tube called an MRI and I was strong. I was cut, I was bandaged, I was zapped with radiation. I was embarrassed and I was encouraged. I was strong...while people were watching.



Alone, I cried. In front of people, I was brave, I was capable, I was strong. Alone.. I was afraid and shaking. I wanted someone to hold me and tell me it would be fine. I knew it would. I knew I wasn't alone and that no matter what happened all would be well..but I wanted someone to say those words to me, reassure me. But I would never ask, never seek, never reach for anyone else. I would be strong and no one would know. If they asked how I was, I was fine. Why worry anyone, I was strong, I would be fine so I figured I'd claim it.



At work I struggled to put one foot in front of the other, I was so tired. Weary, so very excruciatingly exhausted. I wanted to craw into bed and pull the cover over my head, pushing away the world. But I had to work. My husband was out of work. Money had to come from somewhere. And it did. We never lost anything, didn't want for anything important. God provided for our needs through the compassion of friends. The same friends that I hoped would see my exhaustion, how I wished that someone else just for one day could put in online applications for my husband, could prepare a meal, could allow me to crawl into bed and sleep for a couple of days. But I was strong..and I made it. I wasn't alone, I knew that, God watched out for us. He knew when my strength was failing and He filled me with just what I needed.



At the cancer center, I would go in, get ready and wait my turn. How many times did I almost doze off as I waited? How many times did I imagine myself somewhere else as I lay on that table with a monster machine shooting rays of radiation into my breast? How many times was that table lowered and I was helped to stand? How many times did I look at the painting on the ceiling and wish I was walking among those flowers? But I was strong.



At home I began to walk. I would leave the house and head for the woods. I would sit at the table down at the pond and watch the water. I would feel the healing calm, the healing peace wash over me. I grew stronger spiritually as I grew weaker physically. Every day there was something new waiting on me. Flowers that were not there the say before. Flowering vines clinging to trees, wildflowers carpeting the field. Butterfly would dance in the air, praying mantis would watch as I passed while all the while the squirrel would bark and the birds call out about my presence in the woods. I was weak, but I was strong.



They got all of my cancer back in Feb. of 2008. I have been cancer free ever since. I am one of those that have been given the one more day. I am one of those that get to celebrate more birthdays. I get to spend time with my family, enjoy good meals, walking along the paths, healthy. I get to hear the teasing of younger brothers and not see the fear in their eyes.



I was in a series of storms, but I was strong. I was strong because I knew who was in control and it wasn't me. I was given an experience so that I could share, I could bring glory to the One who deserves it. And I could be strong for others, sharing what I went through, sharing the fears and procedures and bone tired weariness..and show that it does get better.



Now, I am strong, I work to support Relay for Life. I work in the hopes of helping others be survivors, celebrating more birthdays. I work hoping to help others have one more day to spend with family and friends, laughing singing, dancing or merely walking along a quiet woodland path listening to the squirrel bark and seeing the butterfly dance among the flowers. I support the ACS and Relay for Life..won't you??

God of Love, God of Hope

How I praise You Lord

with the songs of my heart

lifting Your name

singing of Your glory

for You are an awesome God

a God of love, of hope

I praise You god

sing hallelujah sing hallelujah

to You

for You have been with me

through the darkest of storms

strengthened me when I grew weak

brought me to Your place of rest

when this body grew weary

how I praise You God

for You have showed me

the beauty of this place

the simple delight of the colors

of the life that moves around me

You have showed me Your love

gifted me with grace

gifted me with a peace of heart

that comes only from You

with grateful heart Lord

I praise You

sing hallelujah, sing hallelujah

to You my Lord

God of love, God of hope

Remembering ( The Luminaria Ceremony)

Remembering.






Quietly with a gentle reminder of what is happening, the lights go down. The light to walk by now, is the light of candles, flickering inside the hundreds of bags lining the track. The Luminaria Ceremony has begun.



What is the luminary? It is simply a paper bag, inside the paper bag is a block of wood with a round cut out. Inside the cut out, a small candle. On the outside of the bag is a name. Above the name are two choices of the words. It will either say "In Memory of..." or it will read, "in honor of" followed of course by the name of the cancer warrior.



The Luminaria Ceremony is a quiet moment. A moment to reflect, to remember, to think of, to honor. Walking around the track reading the name on each and every bag. Some will cry, some will smile at a thought or a memory. That is part of the purpose, to spark that special memory. To show, that the person who lost their personal battle with cancer has not been forgotten. Some names may only have one bag- some may have dozens lining the track. The number of bags not important, what is important is that an individual has not been tucked away in some closest of the mind, forgotten but for something to be brought out on occasion and dusted off and discussed when old friends or relatives get together and discuss 'old times' and the people from 'back then'. It won't of course bring that person physically back, but it will give one a chance to feel a moment of closeness as you remember them.



The Luminaria Ceremony gives you a chance to honor the fighter you know that has battled and won, or who is currently in the battle. It lets them know they are being thought of and cared about.



Circling the track by candle light, you will hear the voices of those around you, most more subdued as they discuss the names. Talk about this person or that as they remember them. They night sky overhead stretching on forever, giving you the feeling that eternity thing must be real for the sky itself seems endless, as endless and the special memories brought about each trip around. Each time you see the name of that special someone again. The night air just beginning to take on a chill, one that reminds you of the place in your heart that at times feels cold without the one that has gone on before you. But the candle flickering, the light shining forth, leads you to a treasure of memories that warms that empty place in your heart.



Seeing something new you stop to look. Circling the Survivor tent are more bags. These bags are different, special in their own right. These bags are not for the cancer warrior, but for their caregiver. The names emblazoned across the bags are the names of those who helped the warrior in their fight. The names of the ones who called and checked on the warrior, the names of the ones who made sure that the warrior was able to get to treatments, to doctors, to the grocery store. These are the names of the people who brought over a meal, who helped clean a house, do a load of laundry, who walked the dog or took children to school or simply to their house for a time to allow the warrior a moment of rest. These are the names of the caregivers, the earthly angels, the ones without wings or halos, but with hearts as big as the whole outdoors. Same paper bags, same block of wood same candles flickering inside creating light, but with an entirely different meaning and set of thoughts. The amount of bags lining the area a heartwarming sight. So many caregivers, so many people ready, able and willing to take care of another who is at their lowest.



The Luminaria Ceremony.............a few solemn laps a few laps where the voices are softer, a few laps where thoughts and memories and love reigns. Walking around a track, lit only by candles of love. Remembering

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



If you would like to purchase a luminaria for someone, either in memory, or in honor of a cancer warrior.. or a luminaria in honor of caregivers... the cost is $10 each. Contact me- let me know what you want-give me the name of the person-- make out checks to the American Cancer Society-if you're local give me a holler and I can pick it up..if you're not local but wish to purchase one you can mail the check to my po box:

Rebecca S. Revels

po box 371

Stanley, NC 28164



You can include a note telling me the name of the person whether it is in memory or honor of or if its a caregiver..I will photograph the bag on Relay night and make sure you get a copy if you give me an email addy to send it to or if you are on FB I can get it to you there..We can and do take names right up to moments before the ceremony, (our Relay event being May 4, 2012) but the earlier we can get the names and make the bags up the better it is for all concerned..



thank you

Rebecca



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/Rebeccannc

humbled am I

humbled am I

as I consider Your love

awesome God, marvelous God

who knows my name

knew me before I was born

raised me up from the darkness

in which I was sinking in

humbled am I

as I consider the love

that brought me out of the storm

into Your sanctuary

when I grow weary

You my God, are my rest

when I grow fearful

You hide me away safe within Your love

humbled am I

as I consider what it means

You are all I need

when I am discouraged

when the dark grows deep

You are my light, You lift me up

strengthen and empower

to walk without fear

humbled am I

as I consider the fact

of the love

the pure, undiluted, undying love

that You have for me

so much, that You would give up to death

Your Son

so much, that he suffered on that cross

for me and for all

to be the way to You

bought and paid for I bow down

humbled am I

washed in Your love

Putting cancer on the (endangered) list

On Sunday mornings in Sunday School Bible study we first discuss our prayer list. How those that have been on it are doing, if there is anyone to be removed, if there is anyone to add. This morning there were several names added-all because of cancer. A new Believer's dad has been told to get his affairs in order as his time is short. His bones are riddled with cancer. People with liver cancer, colon cancer were on the list of new additions. Remembering families of those who have lost their battle. To cancer. Most of the additions or people discussed were because of cancer.




People who had been going about their daily business, working, going to school, sports or hobbies. Regular every day things that were suddenly very rudely interrupted by cancer. Everything then immediately changed. Life in the every day was forever changed.



Now in the midst of the ordinary there are tests, doctor visits, surgeries, treatments and new things to be learned. The every day ordinary person becomes a cancer warrior. Learning how to deal with everything that comes with having cancer. Those not fighting but caring for the fighter has to learn how to care confidently. Love is never a question, but doing things you had never had to do before competently is a challenge.



Lifestyles change to some degree, thought processes change, eating habits, exercise habits, the very way one perceives things around them changed. Small things make a big difference. You see the beauty in the flowers, in the song of the birds, the dance of a butterfly. You understand how the laugh of a child is special. This is not something you wanted, but you take the challenge and go forward.



An old saying once was "life begins at 40." My cancer was discovered shortly after I turned 50. My life began again right then. Everything I knew changed, turned upside down. I fully understand how someone newly diagnosed feels, how it feels to have to tell family, how it feels to undergo the tests, the surgery, the treatments. I know how it feels to be on a prayer list. My cancer was caught early, but I learned a great deal from it. I have learned more since. It is the things I have faced that are the inspiration and reasons for what I do now. I was once told that it is a noble thing that I am doing. I smiled as I quietly disagreed. There is nothing noble in my greed, for more survivors, for more warriors to fight against the enemy cancer. Together, we are strong. Together, we can help others have more birthdays. Together we can keep families and friends together longer. Together we can learn and share what we learn.



Then prayer lists can be filled with praise rather than requests..








http://main.acsevents.org/goto/Rebeccannc

BBQ and other good Relay for Life stuff--

Hey Grandpa-- What's for supper?? Remember that? Too young to remember Hee Haw?




but this time its..



Hey Relay for Life.. what's for dinner/supper????



A good old fashioned barbecue plate, with barbecue, bun, chips, slaw, baked beans and a dessert

(catered by Kyle Fletchers BBQ)



Where?

Berea Baptist Church

2522 Hickory Grove Rd

Mt. Holly, NC 28120



When?

March 23rd

11am-7pm



How much?

$7.50 a plate



Bonus--there is delivery for 10 or more plates..hungry now?



Relay for Life members (hey.. I'm one of those) have tickets. There will be a limited number of extra plates on site so purchase your ticket(s) now to guarantee that you get fed..



You have until Monday, March 12th to pre-order--so--



contact me via this email or facebook--or if you can't find me call Cindy Forrester-co-chair of the East Gaston Relay for Life @ (704) 860-2939



We are also selling t-shirts, the design on the shirt is the winner of our ahem- design a shirt contest. S,M,L,x-l $10..2x and 3X $12...I have photos of the shirt on FB and available to show via email.. I also have a shirt to show if you see me personally.



There are many more events going on through-out this month..



Our meeting this month is on the 6th at 6:30 at the First Baptist Church in Stanley-all are welcome to attend and be a part of Relay.



Our actual Relay for Life event is May 4-5.. all are welcome.









http://main.acsevents.org/goto/Rebeccannc

When my storm blew pink- my cancer story prt 5

When the day of my actual cancer surgery arrived we had a problem. My husband had to go see about a possible job. He fluctuated between going and not going, going to see about a job he badly needed or staying with me. I told him to go, my mother was there and I'd be fine. He didn't want to go and promised that he would be back as soon as possible, I watched as he finally left and mom stepped up. I just wanted this mess over with.




The youth minister from our church showed up and talked with me and mom. He prayed with us and then as I was moved from the room for a procedure that had to be done he followed along with mom and sat with her in a waiting area. As I was moved from place to place, mom and the minister followed along. Finally I was going into surgery. I watched as the walls passed by, I watched the ceiling, I saw the doors opening, and I saw no more.



I awoke to voices. It was over. My husband was there. He didn't get the job. He told me that they had got all of the cancer. A nurse asked how I felt and if I thought I could eat anything. I felt like I wanted to go home. I was given crackers and a glass of Ginger ale. After I had finished those I was helped to get dressed, my husband went for the car and I was wheeled down to the car. I was going home. Surgery was over, it was gone. A Lumpectomy- they went in, they got it out and they stitched me up. The surgeon also removed some lymph nodes to test for traces of the cancer. Needing to see if it had spread.



My husband drove carefully and slowly back to the house. He helped me from the vehicle to the bedroom. And that was the last I recalled for a while. I had to sleep off the rest of the anesthesia. My husband went and got the prescription for pain meds filled as our son stayed close by. Off and on during the day I would get up and move about. I called a couple of friends and family one time. The next time up I emailed a few, the next I managed to post on the social network of the day. Brief moments of clarity during a day of foggy brain and upset stomach. I thought, I believed, that the worst was over. I had no idea that 'worst' comes in stages.