Some call it a vacation-and we're on our way----finally

Some call it a vacation, we call it a mystery-adventure, because one never knows what sort of adventure awaits around the next bend. An example of this is the adventure we returned from yesterday.




We had planned this for months. My husband - the long-haul truck driver, even stayed out on the road for just short of six weeks so that the timing would fall into place that he could have the same week off that I did. While he was out there,I was here making preparations. I made the reservation online managing to get a room in the hotel my husband loves. Why, I'm was not fully sure, as a room is a room. All we needed was somewhere out of the weather to sleep and a place to stash our stuff as we wandered about. Originally it was going to be me and him, something that hasn't happened in a long time. I had booked a room that had a king size bed and a Jacuzzi. According to the description of the room it would sleep four-just in case James was able to come up for a night. We weren't sure if he would be able to or not since he had to work.



As time passed I purchased things along the way that we would need. Clothing, memory cards for the cameras, shoes, batteries for the cameras, a hat, lens cloths for the cameras..



The week that my husband was to come home he picked up a load somewhere in Virginia, or Maryland, or Pennsylvania..(after a while it all runs together for me). He took one look at the bill and had a meltdown. The load they had given him went to California. There was no way he could get to California and back in three days. If they made him take this run our adventure was over before it began. As luck, planning, the Good Lord and savvy dispatcher would have it, my husband delivered the load to the company yard and picked one up there to deliver here in NC. (What a waste of a good meltdown)



I was having a wonderful time trying to get our washing machine repaired while all this was going on. We were finally able to get everything set up and in motion for Thursday afternoon. All the while my washer had been down the dirty laundry pile had grown. It was a monster waiting to consume my time and energies.



Friday afternoon he pulled into the place that my brother had built for him to park that big rig and dropped the trailer. He then pulled the tractor around so that he could empty it of items that he was tired of hauling around. Too much clothing, some empty water bottles, bread bags, DVDs that were damaged beyond repair..and enough dirty laundry that I'm going to be busy for a while. Once he had everything he wanted out piled up on the ground and at various areas of the house he headed for Charlotte and the place that was waiting on his truck to do servicing and search for a coolant leak that so far no one has been able to accurately track down. James was in from work and got the good fortune of following him over there. It was somewhere in the midst of all this that I found out that James had managed to get time off from work and was going to get to come up Monday afternoon. He would get to be there the entire time. One set of plans changes, another emerges. I was glad he was going to be there. At his age I don't know how many more 'family' vacations there will be.



Over the course of the weekend we finalized plans, synchronized watches and began to pack. Well- we planned to pack. Actually.....we didn't touch anything anywhere near packing. We did go shopping for a few items needed, socks and stuff.



The plan was to leave out Monday morning at seven. Sunday night at eleven I was finishing up the laundry I was going to do and trying to ignore the Mount Everest of clothing still waiting. I was exhausted and the early morning wake-up that alarm was going to give me was a frightening thought.



Monday at seven I was up. James had never had any problem getting up and getting ready for work but the mom concerns ingrained within me always feared that first time. So there was I, waiting to hear that alarm as I put a pot of coffee on. My husband was up and he began packing what he was going to take. Once he finished I would gather my closet. After James had left we began to pack my Explorer. Suitcase, cameras, cooler, hats and more were stacked within. Was this an adventure of a few days--or weeks? I am always an over-achiever when it comes to packing. My mother on the other hand can pack enough clothing for a week in a carry on bag. By the time we were finished loading the vehicle I'd swear the poor thing was audibly groaning.



Finally making sure everything was locked up-it was now somewhere around ten-thirty- we left the house and headed out. That Revels' timing thing was falling right into the routine it always does. We were leaving out at least three hours later than we had planned.  First stop, to fill up the Explorer with gasoline. Once that was accomplished we stopped at Wal-Mart. A few last moment odds and ends along with a box of contacts for James. Since it was so late, we stopped to get a sandwich. Finally, we pulled out and headed for the interstate. We were on our way. We had no idea of the adventure that awaited us.


                                     to be continued...............................

All I need

I do not seek fame

for fame does not last

I do not seek wealth

fortunes untold

for they bring about their own problems

You cannot help but wonder

are these true friends

or those seeking to take advantage

of what ever I may have

I do not need nor want

a mansion in the hills

a manor by the bay

a yacht or fleet of cars

nor do I need an entourage

following me about

gushing over silly things

I want a heart filled with compassion

that is not afraid to cry

over the injustices of this world

that is not afraid to love

those that are around me

even those deemed unlovable

I want eyes that see

not only the things of beauty around me

but also the things of the darkness

that I may act

I want hands willing and not afraid to reach out

lifting up my brethren who have stumbled

assisting in simple, or complex ways

however I may

I want hands willing to reach out

to fight for right, to build up, to provide

I want wide, strong shoulders

to help carry a burden for another

to be a place to cry on, rely on

I want a walk that is close and personal

with the One who saved me

a faith strong enough to share

in the way I speak, in the way I walk, in the way I act

that others may see truth and love in action

I want a life that reaches out

caring more for others

less for me and what I may

or may not have

I want a love

that encompasses all

without fail

All I need

I am given

all I need

is to accept.

What is cps-3 and how can you my local friends be involved?

Have you been touched by cancer? Not personally diagnosed, but have a family member, friend, or co-worker who has gone through it. Have you watched them battle through diagnosis, surgery and treatments? Have you tried to be of what ever help that you could, yet wishing you could do more? Have you carried meals, been chauffer, sat by their side- yet still wished you could do more?


Have you participated in a local Relay for Life event by being on a team, maybe even creating your own team? Have you participated in helping to raise money and awareness..but still have that nagging, aggravating wish you could do more feeling?

Have you watched your friends, family, co-worker that is battle as they suffer through? Have you seen their fear? Have you watched as the fight takes so much out of them? As they lose strength, grow sick from the medicines, the chemotherapy treatments or radiation?

Have you watched the family members and friends of the fighter as they worry and do what ever they can to help the fighter? Have you said a prayer for the person you know, still wishing that there was something more you could do to help?



No- we're not playing forty questions- there is a point to that lead in...



Because there is something else that you can do should you wish..Something that I cannot do because I am a cancer survivor.....



Copying directly from the email from the American Cancer Society :



"The 2012 Cancer Prevention Study is just a week away, and we're looking forward to seeing you at CaraMont Health.



As you have heard by now, we are offering a new way to get involved in the fight against cancer, but it will only be taking place at CaraMont Health on June 5th and June 6th..Cancer Prevention Study-3 (CPS-3) enrollments will be from 9am-7pm.



Cancer Prevention Study-3 will help researchers at the American Cancer Society and around the world better understand what causes cancer and how to prevent it, and we hope you or those who support your crusade against cancer will consider enrolling.



Who can enroll? If you are willing to commit to the study long term, are between the ages of 30-65, and have never been diagnosed with cancer, we hope you will enroll! (Individuals who choose to enroll do not have to be registered Relay team participants)



If you are a cancer survivor, please help us in telling everyone you know about this one-time historic opportunity to make a difference in the fight against cancer, and encourage those you know to come out and enroll.



To enroll, simply visit www.cps3gastoncounty.com



Thank you for your support of the American Cancer Society, and your support of this historical research effort! We look forward to seeing you next week!



For more information, visit www.cancer.org/cps-3 call 888.604.5888, or email cps3@cancer.org."







Those of you who know me, know that I am a cancer survivor. In Feb. 2008 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am currently cancer free..thing is before my diagnoses I never thought it would happen to me...no one in my family had ever to my knowledge been diagnosed..I did not fall into any 'categories' where I was at risk. But there it was-cancer, and I had to deal with it. The worst part of it all, the part that I still see in my mind's eye, sneaking in every time I'm caught off guard, is the look in my family's eyes. The sadness, the concern..the fear, that all encompassing, terrified look of someone facing the mortality of someone they care about, or the fact that life is fragile and fleeting and there are no promises. I see my brother's face and how he would not look at me for so long.



While I was undergoing my own treatments I watched friends as they fought. I watched on gentleman grow ever weaker, as he lost an incredible amount of weight. I heard of friends who grew so weak that it was all they could do to get out of bed.



I've watched people do all that they could to help, participating in Relay for Life, raising funds, raising awareness- doing what ever they could to help those they love, to do what ever they can to prevent those they love from ever having to deal with cancer and everything that comes with it.



I have heard people who are already signed up for this study telling that it is not something that will be harassing you on a non-stop in your face manner. Some have only been contacted once in a year's time.





Have you watched family, friends or co-workers battle cancer and wished there was something else you could do to help them? Now there is...



www.cps3gastoncounty.com



www.cancer.org/cps3



cps3@cancer.org



888.604.5888





for those you treasure and want to keep around for as long as possible. To find a way to prevent it in the first place..

Desperation for You Lord

I know, that You hear me Lord, calling out to You

in the midst of the storm, desperate for You

as the winds of the storms tear at my life

the rains of suffering pour down

beating this fragile spirit

hear me Lord, calling out to You

the pleas falling from my lips

calling out, desperate for You

knowing, fully knowing, that it is You alone

that can answer the call, answer my cries

calming the fears that cause my heart to tremble

drawing me to You, holding me safely within Your hands

sheltering me, from the winds, protecting me from the rains

drying the tears that have fallen

as I cried out in my pain, lost within the storm

desperate for You

I know, that You have seen my suffering

You have been near to me, as the trials and tribulations came

You have been close, as the darkness fell over my life

waiting on me, waiting for me, to reach this point

where my will is broken, and I turn fully to You

desperate and willing

for You to reach out, draw me close

answer the prayers spoken quietly within

You heard the words whispered into the night

from a head bowed and knees bent

You heard the words of my heart, that could not cross these lips

as I knelt here before You, desperate for You

You know all things, You see the suffering, feel the pain of those that are Yours

we are not left alone, never alone

yet You wait, for us to see and understand

You wait, for self will to give way

and for this broken one to come to You

desperate for You

and the answers, given in love

healing and protection, sanctuary within Your sheltering arms

You wait, holding in outstretched hands, forgiveness offered freely

Your cleansing love, healing love

waiting for us to reach this moment

desperate, for You

I know, with all that I am, You are here, You know, You hear

the storms and suffering, You hear my prayers

calling out to You

desperate, for You.

and I know, in hearing, You will answer.

My prayer Lord, is that one day, I will hear

the words from You, "Your faith is strong"

such, is my desperation for You Lord, such, is my

desperation...for You.

Through the night of Relay 2012

At around 7:30 yesterday (May 4) I rolled over and looked at the clock. I debated for a moment and then gave in to the knowledge that I may as well get up. It was here, the day of our Relay for Life event had arrived. I still have a lot to do and my son James was going to have to help me. I got out of bed and did a little here and there as I struggled to shake the last of the sleep from my mind. Putting things in boxes, and stacking it in the living room I made myself a cup of coffee and sat down to enjoy it before the full blown madness began.




When I decided that James had slept late enough, I knocked on his door and peeked in. He gave me "the look" but I told him he needed to get up anyway. Sending him down to his grandpa's after tables I finished packing up the things we were going to pile into my SUV. Bit by bit we got it in. He left to go to the track before I did. He arrived at 9am, for me it was closer to 10am. I kept thinking of things I needed, plus I had to go to the bank for change and stop by the store for glue, cookies and chips. Arriving at the track I was greeted with good news, James had received a phone call- he had a job interview. He was helping erect a tent for the Survivor and information tables as I carried all my things down to where I was going to erect my own canopy. I tried, I really tried but in the end I needed James to help. Especially since the bottom of one of the legs had broken off and the leg was all the way up inside the other, Finally getting that out with the use of a piece of rebar the tent was up. As James went back to help others I began to set things in place.



One thing that I found out upon my arrival was that James had received a very special phone call. When I asked him about it he told me that he had a job interview. He would have to leave at twelve to get ready for the interview at one. Until then he could continue to help get everything set up. I didn't see when James left, but I sure knew when it was one and I watched the time from there, waiting to hear something, waiting to see his return..especially when the weather changed.



The wind struck. It actually snuck up on us. It has been this gentle, cooling breeze that kept the heat down and made anything hanging dance. Suddenly it was this monster that was doing its best to turn my canopy into a sail-that'll teach me for not knowing where the anchors are and not using them. While everyone else was busily wandering around doing set up work I was trapped. I was left standing there holding onto one of the canopy legs watching desperately for James to return so I could go back to the house for the cement blocks that we usually used because some places you just can't drive anything into the ground- especially if you're set up on pavement of any kind. Turns out a fellow Relayer names John rounded up two tent stakes that he drove into the ground that held it-finally, finally I could let the thing go and not worry that it was going flying across the field.



Before I made my run to the house I had to know. James started out telling me how bad of on interview it was, he was scared, the Service Manager didn't like his looks, he (James) stuttered..on and on finally telling me he starts work Tuesday.!!!!!! James -- my son James-- has a job!!!!!!!! Thank you God for setting this into motion and bringing the right people into play at the right time (Your time) I left to run get the things I had forgotten and to change into jeans-too late--the minute I pulled on the jeans I could feel the pain, that would only grow worse over the course of the night.



Taking the things I had gathered up I returned to the field. I could not park quite as close as before but that was okay. I wandered back down to the field and finished putting the things I had brought in place. As I stood there I noticed a man walking past who stopped and turned toward me. Introducing himself I was overjoyed, this was the person that God used to help James get this job. We stood and talked for several moments, the gentleman (who I liked immediately and I'm sure James will get along with very well) explained a lot about the job and how James will work with him as he trains. After a while he told us that he was headed back home to work in his garden which reminded me that mine will not get watered, hopefully one day won't be too bad on it.



I spent the afternoon alternating between helping, wandering about or sitting watching people pass. At four-thirty I made my way to the Methodist Church's Family Center across the field for the Survivor Dinner. Spaghetti, garlic bread, salad and sweet tea. The food was really good and we were served more than enough. The middle school student who designed the shirt for our Relay and her family were there. I was able to congratulate her briefly after I finished eating. Making my way back to the field I enjoyed time talking with friends and watching James as he worked hard assisting those who needed him.



There was a wonderful variety of teams around the track and items for sale and being raffled. Barbecue, burgers and some kind of chocolate banana among the many foods. Quilts, jewelry, ribbons, artwork graced the tables. Even purple flamingos stood waiting to be taken home.



Out on the grounds at the front of the field was a pink cement mixer, beautifully bright and working pink cement mixer. On the opposite side of the field was a pink firetruck from Charlotte. An honest to goodness working pink firetruck that no tax dollars were spent on. I was blest enough to be able to spend a few moments with one of the people operating this fantastic vehicle.



Moments before the Survivor Lap I was approached by one of the co-chairs of our Relay. She was telling me how the color guard was going to be on the field for the anthem and then march onto the track and lead us on our Survivor Lap.. and did I want to help carry the banner? Silly question, of course! I'd love to help carry that banner. It was one of the things I had wanted to do forever. Taking my place with four other survivors. I was nervous, but excited. I have a tendency to walk fast taking long steps, I would have to remember not to do that. It just wouldn't look too cool for me to be dragging them along down the track. When the color guard took their place on the track we moved up behind them and began the walk. Its has always felt good to take that lap along with and among other survivors, this time it was just a bit more special. As we walked and approached the area where the pink firetruck was parked just off the back of the track the lights were flashing, as we neared they began to sound the sirens in honor of the Survivors. I'll be honest, it felt good. When we finished our lap the Caregivers took their lap. James was standing near when the lap started and he turned and mentioned that he thought he would walk. I told him to go ahead, he had earned the right when he was helping me back then. Once the Caregiver's Lap was finished the track was open for one and all to walk.



I sat and watched as people passed, for the most part they glanced at the tables and kept walking. Only when hunger and thirst drew them toward what ever would satisfy that craving and need. From time to time I would wander the track or would hear something going on I needed to get a photo of. All the while I was being reminded of my bad decision to wear shorts early on.



Over the course of the evening things began to slow down, people began to disappear. The track was less busy. You could still see events going on, hear the music, watch the dancers having a blast (making me envious and wishing I knew how to dance) everyone was still have a great time. Even James was still enjoying himself as the hour grew later.



I watched the moon. From the moment I first noticed it rising I watched its progress across the sky. In a near cloudless sky the fact that it was a full moon made it even more noticeable and beautiful. As I would walk, I would look up and smile. There was something humbling in walking there in the night, even with all that was going on still, under that full moon.



I watched James, impressed and happy that one of the people he chose to spend a good bit of time conversing with was the county police officer that was there to protect the banker. I did wander over a couple of times to eavesdrop on the conversation and after one embarrassing attempt at joining in, left them to talk about time travel, experiments, secret crafts and even gaming. Guy talk.



I did nap at one point, exhaustion pulling me toward my chair and the blanket I had brought. The dampness in the air making it more than a little chilly. I missed the hat lap, even as I watched others passing in theirs. I meant to help, really meant to help pick up the luminaria bags, but I'm not as young as I once was and I just couldn't do it. I'm a bit ashamed of that fact but I don't think anyone got angry over my lack of helping. I did participate in the purple passion laps, and the glow stick. I watched people dancing thinking I am probably the only fifty something year old in this country that has no clue how to do the Electric Slide (0r any of the other dances they were doing).



After a certain hour the music grew quieter and the crowds more sedate. The air held more chill and I wished for coffee. I watched as the people who were still there began to pack things away, preparing to pack up and go home. Long about 6am I sorted through the things I had brought, packing what I could in boxes and bags. Looking up at one point I saw James standing before me. Together we went ahead and packed everything away in the explorer. James went to help John and I helped move all the big garbage cans to a central location for them to be picked up. As I did this I watched the sky lighten. I noticed the dew spread out across the fields behind the track. Like a soft cool blanket it covered the ground. It was a special time. I had spent the night, remembering my cancer battle, the times of dark, the times of cold and discomfort, the times I felt so very alone. I remembered watching time pass so slowly during the surgery and treatments. Then seeing the brightening skies of good health shining before me.



Once I had done all I could and knew that those who were left (including James) had everything under control I left. I drove home slowly, thinking, remembering, smiling. I may not have raffled off anything, I sold a few things, made a little money, but it was a success. When I got home and carefully pulled off those jeans I saw what had tormented me all night. I was very badly burned on the backs of my legs. My face, arms and back of my neck are burned, but the back of my legs are cooked. I really should have known better. As it is, I will go out in the driveway soon to unpack the car and then go to the store to get something to ease the pain. All the while smiling about how, we may not have raised a record setting amount last night- but we did raise awareness, and that goes a long way in itself.

missing

Listen to the falling rain,

watch it through the window

from the doorway

standing outside, feeling it fall upon your face

hiding your tears

the tears that are falling due to the pain

brought on by missing the one lost

Feel the emptiness, that vacant place

within your heart

listen to the memory of a voice

the sounds of laughter

the whispers of secrets shared

feel the memory of the brush of breath

against your ear, against your cheek

promises made, given in assurance

missing

the pain so intense, missing

Listen to the rain

drumming on the window

streaking the panes, obscuring the view

of the world outside, hiding

the view of the landscape

hiding the view

of a life that goes on, some how

missing

feel the emptiness

no longer the closeness

no longer the touch on the cheek

on the shoulder, on the arm

physical touch may be gone

but not the memory, not the touch on the heart

missing, missing

the laughter, the song, the presence

gone too soon..

Listen to the rain

wishing, for the sound

of that voice

wishing for the touch

just once more

but no

instead time is spent

listening to the rain

missing

that special piece of heart

gone

missing

In our life, we will all, have all been touched in some way by cancer. We have watched friends, family, coworkers fight their battles. We have watched the struggles as they underwent diagnoses then come to grips with what they faced. We have watched, stood close, ready to help, to be the caregiver if needed as they underwent surgery and treatments. We brought meals, gave rides, gave comfort and support. We gave as they fought. We have watched..and prayed.

In our life, we have watched those that are diagnosed, that fight the good fight, but lost. Even as they gave it all they had and then some. It just wasn't enough. Losing weight. Losing hair. Losing after they simply could not fight any longer.

In our life, we have all been touched by cancer. We will be touched more than once by cancer. Those that are diagnosed- that fight will be changed. We that care for them...will be changed.

I am a cancer survivor. I have friends that are cancer survivors. I know some that are currently fighting, and sadly.. some that lost, that have gone on before us. They have gone missing from our life, their smile, their laugh, their presence here gone, now but a memory and a special feeling in our heart.

I support the ACS and Relay for Life because I want to help raise awareness of the effects of cancer on us all. I want to help raise funds for research and all of the programs that the ACS has to help fight cancer and to help the many warriors among us.

Please consider joining your local Relay for Life, if that isn't possible, help me support mine. Please consider sharing your talent, your time, your gifts, your money..help us help the warriors, help us beat cancer and keep others from going missing too soon..

 

 

just one more

Just one more day

is what I long for

one more day with you

hearing your voice

seeing your smile once more

just for one more day

watching your playfulness

hearing your laugh

getting that expected, unexpected hug

just one more, one more

is what I long for

a long walk down that familiar path

tossing pebbles into the creek

watching minnows dart away

watching the sunlight reflect

dancing along the ripples

just one more

moment on the swing, listening to the birds

watching the butterfly and dragon fly

as they dart and dance

sitting quietly, savoring the moment

riding in the car, listening to the latest tales

adventures only you could have

laughing at mishaps, only you could have

wiping away tears due to lost loves

lost friends, lost pets, movies that bring out the tears

guarding your back when the monsters come

checking the closets, under the bed, behind the chair

just one more time, how I long to check for you

just one more time

cheering you on at your favorite sport

cheering with you for your favorite teams

sharing a meal, even when I don't care for the choice

I enjoy the company

one more time

one more day

a moment spent

just one more

just one more

with you....

I participate in Relay for Life in the hopes that I am helping to raise money that will go to research, go to the doctors, go to the cancer centers, go to the things that are set up to help the cancer warrior as they fight..that all of these, some of this will in some way help to give someone that one more day...that can be spend with the people that they treasure the most. That grandparents, parents, children, friends, family will not be separated by the evil beast that is cancer. Won't you consider joining us? Won't you consider helping out with a donation, help that one person (or even more) have that one more day, celebrate one more birthday...