I'm sitting here enjoying that usual
cup okay cups, of morning coffee. All the routine things have been
handled and now I have a moment. The windows are open and I am listening
to the wind blow through the trees outside. The sky is a light grey due
to the possibility of rain. At the moment, this is a time of
reflection.
Today would have
been my late husband's 71st birthday. I do miss him, but I am adapting
to life without him. This life if being single and yet strong.
This
weekend there is a large gathering of folks who drive Jeeps in a nearby
mountain town. My brother is talking about a trip he has coming up next
month. Things I cannot participate in due to a couple reasons. Only one
of which is financial. My son was recently complaining about us being
poor. This gave me a good reason for one of those mom speeches. While we
are financially restricted, we are not poor. Poor is homeless. Poor is
without personal vehicles. Poor is hungry. Poor is wearing the same
clothes every day due to not having anything else. He did understand and
agree.
One reason is the fact I
do not like doing things alone. Maybe if I made myself do it more
often, I would grow more comfortable being a single person in a crowd of
couples or gathering of friends. I also do not feel comfortable driving
to places without knowing where I am going, where the parking or the
gathering as a group will be. My son tried to tell me its the not
knowing everything that adds to the sense of adventure.
The main reason is the need to be here with and for my parents. From moment to moment one never knows what may happen.
I
took mom to a doctor's appointment one day this week and the
appointment took longer than expected. Dad who is usually fine alone,
had a moment and got scared. He called the county police who responded
to make sure he was okay. They had arrived shortly before we got back.
We are now putting plans into place that someone is always there should I
have to take mom anywhere without him. My extended family has
helped in the past, even as they all work and have other
responsibilities. Now though, I will need more of that help.
Here's
the thing. While I do at times feel as if I am missing out when I can't
participate in events or go on trips, the envy passes quickly. While my
son and I do not have a massive or even small amount of throw way cash,
we have enough. It isn't money or lack of that makes one wealthy or
poor. It is what one has in their heart.
We
live where I grew up, the small forest behind the house still full of
the magic and memories. The peace and privacy priceless. We have family
around us who are here for us when needed. We are able to help them,
when needed. We won't eat at the finest establishments or run off to far
away adventures, but we do have food, home, clothing. We have our
requirements to life and that is all we really need.
Thing
is, there is a big difference in what is poor. There is poor materially
which in the end, won't matter. The worst type of poor, is spiritually
poor. It is when you do not know the Lord or have Him in your heart. It
is when you do not know His forgiveness that lightens your spirit. It is
when you do not know His love, the love that causes you to share with
others what you have been given. The peace. The comfort. The assurance.
The promise of eternal life with Him. The things of this lifetime will
pass away. The material possessions will become immaterial once our life
ends. What is important, is the relationship we have with Jesus. For
the time we spend with Him after this life, is eternal and will never
fade away. It is without Him, when we are truly poor.
