Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Definitely not Twenty Years Old any More

                                      How much water passes with each year that goes by?

*Note to self* Self, you are not twenty years old any more, remember that please.
I say that because I still do, make that, attempt to do, things that I could do then. I recently celebrated my fifty-eighth birthday, the days of doing some of that twenty something stuff is gone. But I do tend to forget that, which is why I am currently in pain. We were given several loads of firewood recently. I had told my son that I would get the smaller pieces out of the back of the truck and leave the bigger ones for him. Me however, decided that I could handle some of the larger chunks and was lifting and tossing them out of the bed of the truck. I didn't have any problems until later when my arm and shoulder began complaining loudly. Now I'm doing my best to carefully ignore it and hoping it will heal quickly, as the pain is making parts of my job difficult to handle.
 I really don't mind getting older. I feel much more sure of myself and happy with who I am. I'm disappointed in the fact that I haven't realized my dreams and goals but that is my own fault. I'm still more comfortable than I ever was as a teen. There is also the fact that as long as I am breathing and above ground that there is always the chance to see things realized.
 I have gone through and survived bad relationship stuff that I never thought I would have to deal with, and hope to never have to deal with it again. I know that because of what I learned then, I am stronger now. I also know better how to recognize that hidden pain in others and let them know that there are those who have gone through their struggles and understand. That one does not have to stay in a bad/dangerous situation.
 I have dealt with health issues, such as the cancer, that I never paid a great deal of attention to until it was me that was facing it. With the grace of God I came through it all better than before because again, now I have walked that road and understand. After the fight was finished for me, I learned how to eat better and how to take care of myself better so as to try and prevent the return of cancer or any other health issues.
 I have dealt with issues from the schools over my son and we have both came out stronger and better.
There are things that I have not faced yet, but know are coming sooner or later, but I will cross those bridges when I get to them.
At one time, I wasn't sure that I would ever live to see this day, to reach the age I am now much less see that milestone ahead of me approaching at lightening speed. But thinking now, it really doesn't bother me. I'm living in a place I love, able to walk my past to a degree, remember the things that we did as kids and laugh a bit, wondering how we managed to do some of those things without serious injury. I can hike in the woods, play in the creek, sit on the hillside and watch the leaves sway in the breeze. I can chase butterfly, bees and dragonfly with my camera and take photos of the same flowers over and over from different angles in different light and feel like a true artist.
When I was twenty, I never thought of how I would feel at  thirty-eight much less fifty-eight. If I could look back at myself then I'd tell myself, take heart... the best is yet to come.