Thursday, March 31, 2011

allow me


allow me Lord


a joyous heart

draw me near to You

so I may sing of Your love

draw me close

allow me to know

You Lord

so I may sing songs

of Your grace

help me Lord

to always be aware

of Your presence

hearing Your voice

guiding me

offering instruction

as I go

allow me Lord

that my steps in this walk

be within Yours

my prints be within Yours

that we are walking that close

lead me, guide me

allow me Lord

to know You

reflect You

so that those around me

will see Your light

shining within

allow me Lord

to know the words

the ways

to act as I walk

that those around me

see You

in all I say

in all I do

allow me

the strength and wisdom

to seek out only You

and Your ways

















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

trust






Trust

how I trust in You Lord

for You are faultless

Your word a bond

never changing, never broken

trust

in You

for You have promised

to love me forever

walk with me

never leave

lifting me up

from where I have stumbled

lifting me, from the pits

when I fall

calling out to You

trust

that You will hear me

forgive me

love me

always

in You

and in You alone

I trust

















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

should have been me



You bore the nails

that were meant for me

driven into Your precious hands

with the blow of a hammer

driven

into Your feet

You went to the cross

beaten, bloodied, weak

You went

when it should have been me



You went, to pay the price

sin's price

no one else could pay

sinless You went

as they stood round

this crowd some laughing

shouting insults

this crowd, some weeping

shouting, begging for mercy



You went to the cross

beaten and bloodied

to die

You went, out of love

out of obedience

knowing the Father's plan

of love

of forgiveness

when it should have been me



You spent three days

in a borrowed tomb

as You had told

as no one, had understood

then risen, You've arisen

sin's bonds broken

the price paid

as You walked out

arisen

having paid the price

when it should have been me

















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

Monday, March 28, 2011

my cancer story- my first Relay for Life






Right around the time I was finishing my radiation treatments I participated in my very first Relay for Life. I had attended a few meetings and knew where and when it was but was still pretty much uneducated in all that Relay is.



At my first Relay the Survivor Dinner was the hour before the Relay started. We ate a spaghetti dinner with salad and dessert with sweet tea. We were given a bag that contained our Survivor shirt as well as some other goodies. Slipping into the restroom I changed shirts and made my way to the track.



I had brought a folding lounge chair, water and some cookies to snack on. I had a light weight blanket for later in the night when the temperatures would drop. I had placed all of this near our team's tent before I had gone to eat. Now I wandered about and visited with friends while we waited.



When they called for the Survivors to come to the track for the first lap, the Survivor Lap I made my way there. It was an odd feeling (a good feeling) to take my place among so many. When the walk began and everyone along the way was applauding I couldn't help but smile. Oh yes- I was.. I AM a survivor. I wanted to dance, to jump to just go wild but I knew, this was going to be a long night. My family didn't think I could make it all night. Even my husband kept telling me he didn't think I should/ could make the entire night. All of that just made me that much more determined. After we finished our lap the caregivers took their lap. Then, it was open for all to walk.



The music was fun, watching others dance had me wishing that I knew how. Long about ten o:clock people began to wander away. Some had to work the next day, some weren't physically able to stay the night and others simply had no interest. I was determined. I was staying.



The Luminaria Lap was an incredible experience. When they turned out the lights and the only light came from the candles within those bags it was a special feeling. Walking around that track reading the names on the bags so many that were in memory of someone- was heartbreaking. Cancer had taken so many.



Long about two in the morning it was getting much quieter, the crowds had dwindled down to the diehard and determined. You could hear the nightbirds calling off in the distance and every once in a while you could hear a vehicle of some sort passing by. Other than that it was the muted conversations of the people walking. On the sides of the track were the tents of the teams, some were holding fundraising events, selling food for donations, selling trinkets or holding raffles and other drawings. Ever so often you would pass by were exhaustion had claimed a victim and they would be curled up tightly in a blanket as the night's chill was intense. So much so that I had called my son who I knew would still be awake and had him bring me a bigger and heavier blanket.



Hot chocolate and coffee became incredibly good, even if it was simply to hold the warm cup.



When the first lights of dawn began to appear I knew I had made it. I had accomplished what my family had sworn I wouldn't do. I had made it all night. When the sun came up I was crossing the start finish line. Each day since my diagnoses was a new day, a new gift another chance to be a reflection of my Savior. I was- am a survivor. I see things differently now. I get more enjoyment out of the simple things. I enjoy taking my camera and chasing bugs, bees and spiders and yes, the occasional snake. I love walking in the woods hearing the critters moving in the woods around me. Splashing across or even drinking from the creek..feeling the sun on my face. To me, there is much more pleasure to be found outdoors in the gift of this place, than there is sitting at home watching something weird on television or even on the computer.



I was- am a survivor.. and I am thankful.

















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

reflected




wrap me in faith

saturate my heart

in Your love

that I may walk

a reflection of You

Your light shining

through me

the words from my mouth

words of the heart

Your words

of love

compassion

wrap me in Your love

saturate my being

in Your compassion

that I may reach out

to all I see

with a gentle touch

kind word

uplifting their spirit

their heart

so they may see You

reflected













































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

Sunday, March 27, 2011

spring




spring, where have you gone?

your warmth blessed us for such a short time

is this cold the last gasp of winter

not wishing to release this land

yea though it is rain that falls

the cold of the air seeps to the bone

spring, what happened

did the moment of your arrival slip in early

allowing for us to fall to a false sense of joy

how do we deal with this cold that drives us back

back to sweaters, coats and woodburnng fires

we look to the outside seeking sunlight

air warmed so that we may wander and play without shivering

I sit here, staring out at the misting rain

wondering of my flower's fate

will they tolerate this drastic drop into cold

or with this cause them to wither and fade away

spring, return, come back to us

bring the warmth, bring the comfort of the sun

so that I may fling windows open wide

hear the call and song of the birds

spring, return to us

that I may wander along the pathways

ever watchful for spider and snake

happy at the freedom offered here, in this place

as long, yes as long

as your warmth wraps around me like the best of cloaks

warms me, with the radiant heat of the sun

where I bask in the light

as I wander without purpose or forced direction

spring, return to us- stay with us

for this is your season

this is your time

push away winter's harsh unfeeling cold

push away the grey of winter

dress in the finest of color

smile with the warmest of glow

push away winter, return to us, stay with us

for your season is here

we have missed you

we welcome you

come spring, come



















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

in time



Grant me the serenity

to be happy with the simple things

without need for the many

material things that abound

around me

let my desires be small

as Your gifts fulfill

Your wish for me

let me enjoy what You offer

desiring not the elaborate

for all such things fade away

in time

let me not desire great riches

or fame

for all these too will fade

in time

grant me Lord, gratitude

at the simple things

peace of mind

serenity of heart

a close walk with You

seeing around me Your gifts

never ending

a joyous heart

happy in the quiet of a walk

hearing the birds in song

hearing the rhythm of the trees

as Your breeze passes by

feeling the warmth of the sun

the grass of the meadow underfoot

knowing

that these too shall fade

in time

while my joyous heart

stands in Your presence

my grateful heart

kneels at Your feet

at the gift

the most precious gift

of Your love

a love pure and true

a love eternal

one that will last the age

never fading

in time

grant me the assurance

grant me the peace

grant me the joy of knowing

that when this life ends

I will be enjoying eternity

with You

in time

















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

Saturday, March 26, 2011

in the beginning was denial, then acceptance, then came the cards- my cancer story

I decided early on that I would share my story. At the time I was writing a semi-regular column in the local paper. It was fun, it was a bit silly and it got me attention. This however was serious. I wasn't sure they were going to run them, but they did..all but one. No one that I know of really noticed the one that never appeared- the column about my actual surgery..it didn't matter. They noticed the rest. My surgeon even told me that people had mentioned them to her. She told me that the columns scared some people, which was never my intent..and I said that in the next column. My intent was to let anyone reading know that survival was possible. There was no real need to fear, because everything had advanced so much that treatments were much easier now.

I received an email from the editor of the paper. People were calling and wanted to send me cards. I got a post office box and that was the address given. The cards then began to come. Letters came as well. Letters telling me about a cousin or grandparent or spouse that had fought or had just been diagnosed. Letters that broke my heart, or made me smile.

I still have them all.

I had purchased a bulletin board to post the lists and papers and what ever other information I had for my husband's job search. One day he had gotten a call from a company in Indiana. He caught a bus and rode for hours before arriving, he was taken to a hotel and told orientation would begin the next morning. Even after they found out about the former employer they decided to give him a chance. He still works for this company. (I know where all the bad weather is going to be- exactly where ever they send him.)

I now used this bulletin board to post the cards and letters I received. They still hang there now.

I learned that cancer brings people together. Even when the diagnosed feels so alone, the people around them draw in and reach out to help. Always ready when needed. I had a lot of people praying for me, sending me cards- some very beautiful handmade cards that I cherish. Still today after all this time has passed people still drop me a note from time to time asking- or if they see me on the street they stop and ask how I am.

People remember. They want to help as they can. While some may not know how to act, it brings out the goodness in most.

One of the reasons I believe for my cancer was so I could write the columns, I could share my experiences. I could give hope, encouragement and a small measure of comfort. When I finally got the word that I would not have to undergo chemotherapy treatments everyone celebrated with me. Cancer is a nightmare, it changes you forever. It shows you just how strong you can be, how strong you really are. You learn to appreciate the simple things, the small things. You are changed, and never look at things the same way. I learned, when you share your battles and storms- it gives others hope, courage and belief that they too can fight and win. Sharing your battles does not make you weak, it makes you stronger.

so bring on that next chapter.. I'm ready.

















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

how is it I do not see?






How Lord, can I not see

all that I have

You have given me

the large and small

are blessings

given

the things grey

and those filled with color

brilliant and bright

how do I not see

these gifts

are my eyes so tightly closed

my ears blocked

that I see not

these gifts

how is it, that I am not grateful

for the blessings

that I find from You

along the way

simple things to complex

all are from You

gifts given

blessings shared

how is it, that I do not see

how blind am I

to not notice

that the rains You send

with replenish the earth

filling it with flowers

gifting a planet

with water to drink

gardens small and large

to grow, from the gift of rain

how is it, I do not see

are my eyes so blind

that I no longer look

that I no longer appreciate

the blessings You give

thank You Lord

that a simple thing

such as a hole

in the bottom of my shoe

will give me cause to remember

will give cause

to open my eyes

to the things You give

Your gifts, Your blessings

granted, in the form of rain.

















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

forgive me

forgive me Lord

I made comments

forgetting

just for a moment

my blessings

commenting

about the condition of a shoe

forgetting

there are those

without

something, of such little importance

in this life

something, of real importance

for those without

walking, no matter the weather

with feet bare

going without

food, when they are hungry

medicine, when they are ill

forgive me Lord

for not considering

the worries of others

the concerns of those without

I made comments

that could be considered thoughtless

by those

without



















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

in the beginning was denial now, radiation, my cancer story part6

Once the incision was healed I went for my first visit with the Oncologist. I liked him just as much as I like my surgeon. He had this wonderful sense of humor about him, but also this self assurance showing that he know what he was doing. I spoke with him about the radiation and still not knowing whether I was going to need chemotherapy. I was shown the dressing area and where my card would be for checking in. I also was told when my treatments would begin. It was put off a couple of weeks while we waiting on word about the chemo.




A visit with my surgeon had her calling the Oncologist and they decided I didn't need to wait on the decision about chemo, my radiation treatments could begin.



They had to tattoo the area. Little blue dots that would be used to line up the machine. By now I should be getting used to being poked and prodded and handled but I'm not. As a person who was and is very self-conscious it was a necessary embarrassment. I just look away and pretend to be somewhere else.



The Cancer Center is only a few minutes from where I work. I managed to get my appointments scheduled for 4pm. It was the latest time they had available. I made arrangements at work to come in fifteen minutes early so I could leave fifteen minutes early and not lose any time. I just had to hope and pray that traffic wasn't a problem between the plant and the center. Only once did I run into a problem and that was when there was a funeral coming out from one of the local churches.



My first treatment was an eye opener. I went in, signed in and walked back tot he dressing room. Stripping to the waist I donned a robe, locked my things in the locker and went to wait in- the waiting area. It was rare for anyone else to be there at the same time. There was a young lady who appeared to be in her teens that was before me, but she was generally being called as I was arriving. When my name was called I was lead back to one of the two radiation rooms. The machine that was going to do my treatments was this huge futuristic looking device that I quickly tagged 'The Monster". I was helped into place on the table and the area to be treated was bared. Once again I mentally wandered off to somewhere else. The treatments don't last long at all. I spent more time getting ready for and getting dressed afterward.



I asked all the same silly questions. 'would I now glow in the dark? Would I set off Geiger counters? Could I heat microwave meals by holding them?" They smiled and sent me on my way. One down-30 something to go.



I am a chocoholic and a junk food junkie. Now recovering. I say that because it didn't take long to learn that I couldn't eat the foods I once did with the processed sugars. Coffee dropped off my diet as well. All the things it seemed that I loved, I couldn't tolerate. That sugar rush one gets from those candy bars or donuts? Sent me crashing down to zero energy. The radiation was sapping everything I had energy wise and eating the junk only made it worse. My diet quickly adapted to fruits, vegetables and water, lots of water. There were days when I felt as if I could not put one foot in front of the other. It was a sheer battle of will to move. At times I would have to stop and hold onto something to keep from sinking to the floor in exhaustion. At times I wished that I could just go to bed and sleep for days, maybe I could regain something that way. But I knew that was impossible for many reasons. One, I had to work, I had to go for the treatments and I still had to help my husband find work. So I would get up each morning, go in to work and struggle to get through. I kept my breaks short out of fear of sitting down and not getting back up. I don't know how many times I dozed off while I was waiting for my treatment. Thankfully I would hear my name when called at least I think so. No one ever said anything about having to call me more than once.



At work the plant manager would walk through the department nearly every day- he always would stop me and ask how I was doing. I would smile and say fine and he'd move on. I knew he didn't believe me, but he didn't push it. As long as I didn't fall over into a machine everything was fine.



Slowly I was adapting to this new lifestyle..I wasn't really liking it, part of me missed chocolate and Krispy Kreme donuts..but I knew I had to stand strong and deal with it. All the while I was writing about my experiences and receiving cards, letters and messages of encouragement. I would get through this-it was just another adventure of life--

































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

my cancer story part5

The year, is 2008..it is February.. it is early in the morning. I didn't sleep well the night before. It was the morning of my surgery. I had to be at the hospital early, I wanted coffee desperately but knew I couldn't have it. My husband was getting ready to take me to the hospital and asked if it would bother me if he had a cup. Inside I was screaming yes, outside I said no, just drink it in the other room. Time arrived much too quickly and yet, not quickly enough. I wanted this done and over with. My husband drove to the hospital, parking my explorer and watched me as I took a deep breath and then exited the car.




Following the directions we had been given we made our way through the hospital. It was a rather surreal feeling. I hadn't been to the hospital in a long time, even longer as a patient. Now here I was, walking the hallways headed toward something I dreaded more than anything I could ever remember. It seemed cold in there as our feet softly echoed in the halls. Signing in I took my seat and waited. It was a brief wait as my name was called and I followed the person calling my name.



Following instructions I undressed and put on the surgical gown I had been given. I was asked if I were cold and upon my affirmative answer was brought a warmed blanket. I don't know what they warm the blankets in, but I want one of what ever it is. That warm blanket felt like heaven. I was told that I would be visited by various people before my surgery. Within minutes the visits began. I was given the weird stockings to put on my legs, I was visited by the anesthetist and spoke with them briefly. Nurses and other various medical personnel came to see me, questions were asked answers given. Instructions, information and encouragement was shared.



My husband had to go for a physical for another possible job. My mother came in to stay with me and right behind her was the Youth Pastor from our church. He stayed with us as I was pushed from one room to another waiting with mom during the procedures that were necessary before the surgery. I was fine until they stuck a bunch of needles where needles shouldn't be stuck. I was laughing and joking as best I could and with the same really bad, lame jokes that I am bad about telling. My one liners are no threat to any of the stand up comics out there. But they were a diversion from what was to come.



As long as there was someone with me I was fine. Those moments when I was alone, that was when the fear would try to sneak in. They brought me warmed blankets. They- the medical staff- talked to me, trying to keep me calm and relaxed. They checked to make sure that all the things that were supposed to have been done, had been done. Every person that talked to me, asked who I was, my birthday and other odd sounding questions. I knew they were just making sure that they had the right person for the right procedure.



When they came for me, I was but wasn't ready. When I had the surgical biopsy the last thing I saw were the lights of the operating room. This time, I don't even remember seeing the lights. Once we passed through the doors that was the last I remember.



I awoke to voices. I don't remember what was being said. I remember slowly waking, looking up at the people watching me. It was a really odd feeling. When my surgeon came in she told me that they had gotten it all and that three lymph nodes had been removed. I barely remember the conversation, I was glad that my mom and husband were there. They could tell me what I needed to know later. All I wanted at that moment was to go home. After I managed to drink some ginger ale and eat a few crackers I was discharged. My husband went for the explorer while I was allowed to get dressed and then wheeled down to the pick up area.



We were almost home when I got very sick. My husband stopped the car and waited at the edge of our driveway as I lost everything in my stomach. When that stopped he slowly pulled down the driveway and helped me to bed. A place where I stayed for most of the day, sleeping off the drugs.



I did get up for brief periods to move about. I called a couple of friends and I went online to let those who were waiting for news that I was doing okay. Then I went right back to bed.



I was out of work for the day of the surgery and the day after as I let the effects of the medicines wear off. My surgery was on Monday, I was back to work on Wednesday. I was given light work- mostly point and instruct with very little actual work. On Thursday I went to see my surgeon and was given a good report. I was cleared for work and told that I would soon hear from the Oncologist and the decision would be made as to whether I would need only radiation of would also need chemotherapy. I didn't really want either- but if I had my druthers, it would be radiation only. As it was, the results were they got all the cancer and there was nothing showing in the lymph nodes. That was the good news- now I had to wait once again for the next step-bring it on.. I'm ready.























Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

my cancer story part4

How does one feel about being diagnosed with cancer? It seemed that every possible thought and emotion fell on me at the same time. I was also at the same time dealing with a depressed husband fighting to find work. In a way the distraction was good, but in a way, to be honest I felt ignored. I knew, really, that finding him a job was important for many reasons. He needed to be the family provider. He needed to be working, doing something. Sitting at home talking to recruiter after recruiter, one after another Human Resource person, head hunters galore spoke with him, but the end answer was always the same when they checked on his last employer. He was getting very discouraged and I, was keeping my fears and worries to myself. I took long walks when I could and spent a lot of the time walking praying. Talking with my Lord who I knew was with me. Even in my faith, I still wished there was someone I could talk with here, someone who wouldn't have to have all the answers, just listen and offer a hug when one was needed. Instead I kept quiet about my worries and when asked told everyone I was fine. Apparently people hear and see what they want to because no one ever questioned my response. No one--save my mother-- ever challenged my "I'm fine" response. But I would smile and tell her, "no, really I'm fine." and she would let it drop.




There were so many tests that had to be done before my surgery. I had to have an MRI done. I'm claustrophobic. Walking into that room and seeing that thing waiting for me gave me cold chills. I had to do this, I didn't want to do this. I had an MRI one time before, it was all I could do to get through it. Here I was in the exact same room, looking at the exact same torture device waiting for me. They tell you don't move, how does one not move when they are shaking so badly if they were given a glass of milk and ice-cream they would have a well blended milkshake in a nanosecond? I watched as they put everything in place then turned to me. My mantra of "I can do this, I CAN do this" repeated over and over in my head. I listened as they explained what I needed to do and what they were going to do. I don't recall a word of it but remain still.



I took my position on the contraption and felt every muscle drawing into a tight knot as I was pushed into the device. Immediately every bit of oxeye left the machine. Immediately it felt as if every muscle, nerve and joint in my body began doing some weird tango. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, I wanted to be able to breath..I wanted more than anything for this test to be done and over with. I did not want to have to deal with this again so I tried to et my mind on anything else but the fact I felt I were suffocating. I heard all the pings and noises the machine made as it worked. It wasn't as funny this time as it was the first. I knew what was wrong this time, but that didn't help. How long is eternity? It felt as if I were in that thing for an eternity before I was brought out but it was only a teaser as they injected something into me and shoved me right back in. Did they not understand my fear? Could they have not left me out just a few more moments allowing me to suck in enough oxygen that I could survive this? I felt as if my heart were pounding out of my chest. My ears rang and popped as if I were under water. I feared my trembling would ruin the results and I would be back in this thing if I ever got out. When I heard the noises stop and felt the table I was stretched out on moving outward I felt like crying again, but this time in relief. It was finished, over, I had done it. I had to have help getting up and it took a moment to get steady on my feet, but that was behind me. And no one would ever know just how afraid I had been. I'm strong in my faith, I'm not supposed to be afraid..even as my heart knew I was okay-I am human. I have human weaknesses-that doesn't diminish my faith, or make me less faithful. It just gives me cause to reach out more for my Lord in faith, know that He understands and doesn't judge me for my weakness as others might. Getting through these storms helps me to find my way, strengthen my relationship and faith. And I had this one down and gone.



I still had to have a chest x-ray done and blood work. I could run by the diagnostic center and have that done after work one day as I didn't need an appointment for that. Don't ever- ever- drop by any where that they are going to stick you on a Friday afternoon just before time to go home. I got there, and got back really quickly. The guy doing the work was not the friendliest person I had met to date but he wasn't rude. It appeared his mind was already on his weekend. Which would explain why I felt as if I had been harpooned and ended up with some pretty nasty looking bruising. The lady doing the x-ray was the exact opposite and I had no problems or complaints about her professionalism.



Somewhere in the mix of all this I had to get the preop stuff taken care of. Have you ever played 20 questions? By the time this was finished the questioner probably knew more about me than anyone else ever has or will. I struggled to remember some things but I hoped that she would be understanding. I was preparing to face cancer surgery after all. They had said my cancer was small. They saw no problem in getting it all. I should be- would be fine. It was still cancer and I was still doing all I could to keep my fears and concerns locked away in a box in the back of my mind. While all the while I wanted someone to stand up to me and demand to know what was going on in my head. No one did and while even now I hurt a little over that, it doesn't rule my life. It isn't something I dwell on.



The surgery date was set. Soon, very soon they would be once again wheeling me back to cut on me. The first time for the surgical biopsy it had been done in outpatient surgery. This, the actual surgery would be done in the hospital. I was scared, yet I wasn't scared. I wanted it over with, I wanted it to have never happened to begin with. I understood there was a reason, but I wished, oh how I wished that I were stronger. That I knew more, asked more questions, had an understanding of what God's reasoning was. I didn't..and yet, maybe I did.



My cancer was small. It had been caught early. I am a writer, I can write about my experiences along the way. Maybe, just maybe there is someone out there that needs to read of my battle and can gain some encouragement and strength. Maybe, I can ease a fear, maybe I can help someone preparing to undergo this by letting them know a bit of what may be ahead. Maybe, by writing about it- I can push my own fears away.



One week, seven days before my surgery I was at work. A co-worker came out through the department I work in. From a distance she looked as if she either had been or was crying. I approached her and asked if she was alright. She looked up, took a step closer and told me she had the flu. Every alarm bell in my head started screaming as I backed away as quickly as I could. I didn't even care if I insulted her. My surgery was in a week, a week is what it generally takes for something to germ-inate in your system. I tried to stay away from her even as she kept coming into our department and for what ever reason kept seeking me out. I finally in frustration and anger called her boss and reminded her of my upcoming surgery and would she PLEASE keep this person away from me. She calmed my down by telling me she had already sent her home. Still, now I had that worry. Had I gotten too close? Would I now take the flu and cause my surgery to be delayed? As if I weren't worried enough. Thankfully I did not come down with the flu. The surgery would take place as scheduled.



It is the year 2008, I have breast cancer- but I was raised strong. I was raised to fight, to be independent. It is 2008, I have breast cancer, I am a Christian, I am not walking this alone. Bring on the surgery- I'm ready.

















Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

my cancer story- part3

.I walked in to work that morning the same as I always did. I parked in the same place, carried the same cooler with the same lunch, the same oversized bag filled with odds and ends that I probably could have done without. Everything was the same, and yet nothing was the same, and it never would be again. It was odd walking in there knowing what I did, and knowing that I was going to have to share that with, well, everyone. I wanted to be the one to tell this and not the plant gossips. I knew it would be topic of discussion anyway, but I wanted the truth out there not some exaggerated tale that lost all shred of truth with the first retelling.




As soon as it got out people really started acting different. I was still me---but they were looking at me as if I had suddenly grown another head, turned green and orange and floated a few inches above the floor. I wanted to scream at these people "I'm still me!! I just have breast cancer." But I didn't. I understood. It was my brother all over again. When you are faced with mortality, whether its yours or someone else's everything changes. Even though I understood, and really couldn't blame them, it hurt. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but avoidance wasn't it. My friends, some of whom I've known for years, wouldn't even look at me. If they saw me approaching they would do some amazing maneuvers to avoid speaking to me. This was not going to work. I couldn't allow this to continue. I had a long road ahead of me and I couldn't travel it this way. The looks of pity would have to go as well. Those just made me mad.



When my husband was turned down for the job and returned home we had to do some shopping for our son. He had a new job and needed some steel toed boots. While we were in the store I noticed some pink baseball caps with the pink awareness ribbon on the front..and it was on sale. It also went home with me.



I wore that cap to work the next day. As a person who had never worn a hat of any type to work before it got a lot of attention. Now people- curious beings that we are- were asking what was up with the hat. When I explained and they began to realize that I was calm about the cancer they calmed down as well. I had people coming up to me letting me know they were survivors as well and if I needed to talk, or had any questions, just ask and they would help all they could. Knowing that I wasn't alone made a lot of difference in how I felt as well. Within a couple of days, everyone was back acting like their regular selves. That helped as well. It would have made me crazy dealing with people walking on eggshells for the entire time I battled my breast cancer.



My church family were very supportive. They prayed for us, for me and they helped us as we still struggled to find my husband a job. It had been a long time since I had felt as close to people as I did right then. I'll admit that I would have loved to have found this relationship in a different manner than cancer, but I still believed that there was a reason for it, so I wouldn't complain. Instead of being a burden to drag me down into self pity and depression my cancer became my praise. Instead of asking why me.. I was asking why not me? Day by day, incident by incident..my faith was growing stronger and my walk with the Lord was growing closer.



I could not deny what was truth. I had breast cancer. I couldn't deny it.. but it wasn't going to beat me either. My family, my friends, my church family had all proven they were with me, supporting, assisting, praying..I wasn't battling this alone and that made all the difference in the world.







Thursday, March 24, 2011

in the beginning there was denial-part two of my cancer story

My husband had lost his job in January of 2008. He and the trucking company he worked for at that time came to a less than amicable parting of the ways. He and I had been doing everything we could to find him another job. He was getting calls, but once they checked with that former employer all interest ended. It seemed that they were determined to prevent his finding another job. I had never experienced someone being blackballed before now, it isn't pretty, it isn't fair and its darn near impossible to fight. But we tried. I would find sites online were you could fill out one application and it would be sent to multiple companies. Together my husband and I would fill out his applications and with a prayer send them on their way. I had faith that someone would decide to give him a chance. We just had to find them.

We thought we had found that company when he spoke at length with a recruiter. They set it up for him to attend an orientation session. He left the day I was to find out the results of my surgical biopsy.

I was on my way home from getting the results. He was on a bus headed for a hoped for second chance. I remember exactly where I was when he answered my call. I was leaving Ranlo just about to start around Spencer Mountain. I was babbling about his bus ride when he interrupted and asked point blank. I had to tell him. I wasn't really afraid, my faith was strong enough I knew I wasn't alone in this, but I didn't want to tell him. Yet I had no choice. I took a deep breath and told him, the results are that I have breast cancer. They think its small and that they should be able to get it all with surgery. He was very quiet for a few minutes then asked if I wanted him to come back. No, go ahead and attend this orientation, it may be your only chance. Nothing is going to happen yet and there's nothing you can do. I'm fine. He wasn't happy, but he knew this time I was right. We didn't talk much longer, we both had a lot to think on.

I still had my family to tell.

My mother took it hard, even as she had suspected from the moment that technician had acted so oddly about the ultrasound she had remained quiet. We talked for a few moments and then I went on my way. Mom called me on the phone and was talking when I received a call from the doctor's office on my cell phone. I told mom I had to go I had a call from the doctor's office I'd call her back. I don't even remember what they wanted. I finished the conversation and instead of calling mom back, I went for a walk. As I made my way back up the dirt road I met my mother and brother. Mom looked terrified and my brother looked stricken. I will never, as long as I live forget the expression on his face. He couldn't even look at me at first. Realizing one's mortality is a difficult and bitter pill to swallow. Mom lectured me on not calling her back and scaring her by not answering my phone. She didn't know what the call had been about and had no idea what I was doing or might do. We stood there in the middle of the Dirt Road talking. I finally got forgiveness and got my brother to looking at me. It was relatively easy to convince them I believed that everything was going to be fine.. I did believe that. But my human side still was weak at times and the fear and apprehension would sneak in and make me miserable.

My son took it quietly. He never says a lot, but you can see his emotions in his eyes.

My youngest brother, he called to find out how I was. He has a big family and works long hours. But he cared enough to check. Mom called my aunt and uncle out in California to let them know.

My family now knew. Tomorrow, I was going to have to tell them at work. How I wasn't sure, but it had to be told as I knew that at least for a while, my world was going to be turned upside down and inside out.



















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels