Saturday, March 26, 2011

my cancer story part5

The year, is 2008..it is February.. it is early in the morning. I didn't sleep well the night before. It was the morning of my surgery. I had to be at the hospital early, I wanted coffee desperately but knew I couldn't have it. My husband was getting ready to take me to the hospital and asked if it would bother me if he had a cup. Inside I was screaming yes, outside I said no, just drink it in the other room. Time arrived much too quickly and yet, not quickly enough. I wanted this done and over with. My husband drove to the hospital, parking my explorer and watched me as I took a deep breath and then exited the car.




Following the directions we had been given we made our way through the hospital. It was a rather surreal feeling. I hadn't been to the hospital in a long time, even longer as a patient. Now here I was, walking the hallways headed toward something I dreaded more than anything I could ever remember. It seemed cold in there as our feet softly echoed in the halls. Signing in I took my seat and waited. It was a brief wait as my name was called and I followed the person calling my name.



Following instructions I undressed and put on the surgical gown I had been given. I was asked if I were cold and upon my affirmative answer was brought a warmed blanket. I don't know what they warm the blankets in, but I want one of what ever it is. That warm blanket felt like heaven. I was told that I would be visited by various people before my surgery. Within minutes the visits began. I was given the weird stockings to put on my legs, I was visited by the anesthetist and spoke with them briefly. Nurses and other various medical personnel came to see me, questions were asked answers given. Instructions, information and encouragement was shared.



My husband had to go for a physical for another possible job. My mother came in to stay with me and right behind her was the Youth Pastor from our church. He stayed with us as I was pushed from one room to another waiting with mom during the procedures that were necessary before the surgery. I was fine until they stuck a bunch of needles where needles shouldn't be stuck. I was laughing and joking as best I could and with the same really bad, lame jokes that I am bad about telling. My one liners are no threat to any of the stand up comics out there. But they were a diversion from what was to come.



As long as there was someone with me I was fine. Those moments when I was alone, that was when the fear would try to sneak in. They brought me warmed blankets. They- the medical staff- talked to me, trying to keep me calm and relaxed. They checked to make sure that all the things that were supposed to have been done, had been done. Every person that talked to me, asked who I was, my birthday and other odd sounding questions. I knew they were just making sure that they had the right person for the right procedure.



When they came for me, I was but wasn't ready. When I had the surgical biopsy the last thing I saw were the lights of the operating room. This time, I don't even remember seeing the lights. Once we passed through the doors that was the last I remember.



I awoke to voices. I don't remember what was being said. I remember slowly waking, looking up at the people watching me. It was a really odd feeling. When my surgeon came in she told me that they had gotten it all and that three lymph nodes had been removed. I barely remember the conversation, I was glad that my mom and husband were there. They could tell me what I needed to know later. All I wanted at that moment was to go home. After I managed to drink some ginger ale and eat a few crackers I was discharged. My husband went for the explorer while I was allowed to get dressed and then wheeled down to the pick up area.



We were almost home when I got very sick. My husband stopped the car and waited at the edge of our driveway as I lost everything in my stomach. When that stopped he slowly pulled down the driveway and helped me to bed. A place where I stayed for most of the day, sleeping off the drugs.



I did get up for brief periods to move about. I called a couple of friends and I went online to let those who were waiting for news that I was doing okay. Then I went right back to bed.



I was out of work for the day of the surgery and the day after as I let the effects of the medicines wear off. My surgery was on Monday, I was back to work on Wednesday. I was given light work- mostly point and instruct with very little actual work. On Thursday I went to see my surgeon and was given a good report. I was cleared for work and told that I would soon hear from the Oncologist and the decision would be made as to whether I would need only radiation of would also need chemotherapy. I didn't really want either- but if I had my druthers, it would be radiation only. As it was, the results were they got all the cancer and there was nothing showing in the lymph nodes. That was the good news- now I had to wait once again for the next step-bring it on.. I'm ready.























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