I asked the question earlier on a social media site about when could I retire. There were several responses, many which dragged me out of my tired funk and got me to thinking.
I really doubt that I will ever retire. Oh I may change jobs at some point. Once I'm in a better shape financially to where I can make it on less, or if I find a job that is one of those wonder where its been all my life wonderful. Maybe some miracle could happen and I could manage to actually be an author that sells books. I don't have my beloved interruption now, so I could actually concentrate on what I was trying to accomplish.
Here I am, fast approaching 60. I was really working up some interesting plans to celebrate, only, all that has changed. I shelved, boxed up, trashed, gave away all of those plans. I'll come up with something else instead. Don't get me wrong here, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. It is what it is. He didn't plan to leave the way he did and I didn't plan on losing him. But he was called home and I'm here. There is a reason, one way or the other I will find that reason, I'll find (or I may even already be living that purpose) and I'll do the best job I can of fulfilling that. There will be days I'm sure that I'm lonely, exhausted, frustrated, but I'll pick myself up and I'll soldier on.
The fact that I've worked since I got my first work permit at 16 yrs old and have worked doing something ever since means that it would be down right difficult for me to just stop. I need something to do. I know that there is a lot of things needing done around here, but most of that I can take care of on days when it is a tad bit cooler than broil.
I know there are places to go, things to see, but I have to screw my courage up and learn to stand on my own. I haven't had to go anywhere much but Walmart on my own so actually getting in the car and going somewhere to do something by myself is going to take more courage than I have right now. That has nothing (well maybe it does) have to do with my loss, but at some point I will be able to pick up and go for a drive to the mountains, or TN, or Fl, or where ever.
I like my job, it pays the bills and keeps me busy, but I really could do with a little less busy. Or maybe I could work at trying to get a little more sleep, I'm sure that would help. Unfortunately my body shuts down by my mind wants to wander about poking into memories and things that keep me awake.
But anyway, forgive me for earlier, it was tired me typing away without forethought. Retire? Nah, I'm way too young for that, or too stubborn, or something or other..
Thank you my friends, for bearing with me.