in the beginning there was denial-part two of my cancer story

My husband had lost his job in January of 2008. He and the trucking company he worked for at that time came to a less than amicable parting of the ways. He and I had been doing everything we could to find him another job. He was getting calls, but once they checked with that former employer all interest ended. It seemed that they were determined to prevent his finding another job. I had never experienced someone being blackballed before now, it isn't pretty, it isn't fair and its darn near impossible to fight. But we tried. I would find sites online were you could fill out one application and it would be sent to multiple companies. Together my husband and I would fill out his applications and with a prayer send them on their way. I had faith that someone would decide to give him a chance. We just had to find them.

We thought we had found that company when he spoke at length with a recruiter. They set it up for him to attend an orientation session. He left the day I was to find out the results of my surgical biopsy.

I was on my way home from getting the results. He was on a bus headed for a hoped for second chance. I remember exactly where I was when he answered my call. I was leaving Ranlo just about to start around Spencer Mountain. I was babbling about his bus ride when he interrupted and asked point blank. I had to tell him. I wasn't really afraid, my faith was strong enough I knew I wasn't alone in this, but I didn't want to tell him. Yet I had no choice. I took a deep breath and told him, the results are that I have breast cancer. They think its small and that they should be able to get it all with surgery. He was very quiet for a few minutes then asked if I wanted him to come back. No, go ahead and attend this orientation, it may be your only chance. Nothing is going to happen yet and there's nothing you can do. I'm fine. He wasn't happy, but he knew this time I was right. We didn't talk much longer, we both had a lot to think on.

I still had my family to tell.

My mother took it hard, even as she had suspected from the moment that technician had acted so oddly about the ultrasound she had remained quiet. We talked for a few moments and then I went on my way. Mom called me on the phone and was talking when I received a call from the doctor's office on my cell phone. I told mom I had to go I had a call from the doctor's office I'd call her back. I don't even remember what they wanted. I finished the conversation and instead of calling mom back, I went for a walk. As I made my way back up the dirt road I met my mother and brother. Mom looked terrified and my brother looked stricken. I will never, as long as I live forget the expression on his face. He couldn't even look at me at first. Realizing one's mortality is a difficult and bitter pill to swallow. Mom lectured me on not calling her back and scaring her by not answering my phone. She didn't know what the call had been about and had no idea what I was doing or might do. We stood there in the middle of the Dirt Road talking. I finally got forgiveness and got my brother to looking at me. It was relatively easy to convince them I believed that everything was going to be fine.. I did believe that. But my human side still was weak at times and the fear and apprehension would sneak in and make me miserable.

My son took it quietly. He never says a lot, but you can see his emotions in his eyes.

My youngest brother, he called to find out how I was. He has a big family and works long hours. But he cared enough to check. Mom called my aunt and uncle out in California to let them know.

My family now knew. Tomorrow, I was going to have to tell them at work. How I wasn't sure, but it had to be told as I knew that at least for a while, my world was going to be turned upside down and inside out.

Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

thank You. for this new day

Good morning Lord

thank You, for this new day

I know, that this day

as all days

will be special.

I know You have placed before me

Your many gifts

I see Your blessings around me

I feel Your presence

within my heart

place Your hand upon me

guide me, in my actions

help me, to hold my tongue

when I should not speak

help me, to speak

when I have the words, others need to hear

grant me in this day

the ability, to glorify You

in my actions and words

that those who see me

will see You reflected.

good morning Lord

thank You, for this new day.

Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com

The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites

also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com

Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises

All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

in the beginning there was denial- my cancer story- part one

.The year was 2008, if memory serves me right, it was the day after Thanksgiving- I was going for my very first mammogram. I had celebrated my fiftieth birthday in August and my doctor had decided it was time for a mammogram. Yes, I know they say start them at forty- my doctor had given me very valid reasons why that wasn't necessary. Then suddenly it was time, makes me wonder some times, but. Here it was and here I was, somewhat nervous because I had heard all of the horror stories about how badly it hurt. I wasn't worried about them finding anything, breast cancer didn't run in my family. Strange looking back how I thought that made me immune. I made it through the procedure fine, it was uncomfortable, it was embarrassing, but it was done. She told me that since this was my first and they had nothing to make comparisons to they might call me in for more images. If they did, don't worry- its routine.




I go home patting myself on the back that I finally had my mammogram and I could not mark that off my things to do list and move on.



Several days later I walk in the door after work to have my son telling me to call my doctor. They needed me to go in for more images. Well I had been warned so I wasn't worried. The day after Christmas, when everyone else was out finding the good bargains, my mother was in the reception area while there I was back in the clutches of the mangler. The plans were to get this out of the way and head out to do uor own shopping. I laughed and told hte same corny jokes I had told the last time, until I realized they only wanted images of the right breast. Odd that they only needed images from one side. She took a set of images, had me wait while they were checked.. a few more images and again I waited while those were checked. She came back and told me I could get dressed but that they needed to do an ultrasound. After I was dressed she lead me back up the corridor chatting about strange things- her chattiness was what had me concerned. Even my mother picked up on it. I tried to chat about going shopping and mom tried to chat about something I don't even remember but it wasn't working. By now we were both a bit edgy.



It wasn't but a few moments before my name was called and I followed another person down the corridor in the opposite direction from the mammogram. Entering the examination room she gave me my instructions and left. Stripping down to the waist I donned the paper vest and tried to ignore the coldness of the room. The rattling of the paper every time I moved quickly grew annoying. Thankfully it wasn't long before she was back, bringing with her the machine to perform the untrasound. I watched as she searched for whatever it was that had shown up on the mammogram. She found it fairly quickly as she returned time and again to the same area. I had no clue what she was seeing, it all looked like a lunar landscape to me. Finally she had what she wanted, I could get dressed and they would be in touch.



Shopping was no fun that day. Mom and I called it quits early and went home.



Odd how you can't lie to yourself. You can go on and on about how you aren't worried, you don't think they really found anything, nothing is wrong, no need to worry-- while all the while, worry is what you are doing. Not to mention just a tad past downright scared.



When the appointment was made for me to see a surgeon I had no idea once again- what was going to happen. I did manage to do what I'm best at-- I made a wrong turn onto the wrong road and had to turn around and go back to find the right road. Once I found the road I needed, then the office I found out that she was running late and I could reschedule if I wished. No, I was waiting, I wanted this over with. When I finally got back to be examined she brought in her own ultrasound machine. It took her mere seconds before she found what they had seen. She told me then the options of what we could do. First was a needle biopsy.



That is not an area that is meant for needles. When I say it hurt, trust me, it hurt. I was then told I could get dressed and they would schedule my appointment to come back for the results. I'm hurting, but I'm smiling and cheerful, still thinking this was nothing.



The needle biopsy showed what she called A-typical cells. That didn't mean I had cancer, but A-typical cells were usually present with cancer. That meant a surgical biopsy. I returned to work a bit shell shocked. I knew, even without the upcoming surgical biopsy- I knew. I had cancer. People were walking up to me and speaking and I was going through the roof. I jumped and sqeaked and squealed more that day than I have in a long time. People were really beginning to look at me oddly but I wasn't ready to tell, it wasn't confirmed yet. Even though I knew, I had to wait before I said anything. Finally I tried to find a quiet spot where I could gather my senses. I work in a specialty yarm manufacturing plant. I went to the far end of the department and was checking yarn when I began to pray- "Lord, I don't want this. I really don't want to go through this. Lord, I really, really don't want this." Clear as day I heard the words "How dare you?? How dare you not want to do this for me, after all I have done for you?" Being chastized by the Holy Spirit is no fun but it sure gets your attention. It also told me, what ever was to come, I wasn't facing it alone. I knew, no matter what, I was going to be okay.



My husband took me to have the surgical biopsy done. I was more nervous about problems with the surgery. Weird questions like, "what if they put me under, only I don't go and I can feel them slicing into me?" "What was the name of that old movie where people went in to have minor surgery but suddenly died.. oh yeah- Coma" I wasn't worried about the outcome, I knew what they were going to find.



When I went in for the results the surgeon brought someone in with her. Apparently she feared she would need back up. She told me calmly and plainly that it was cancer. It was small, but it was there. I shrugged and told her, you know what it is, you know where it is..lets take care of it. Her assistant left the room while the surgeon began to explain what was coming.



What was coming was an adventure I had never forseen. What was coming was an experience that I didn't want, but knew that there was a reason for it. What was coming, I would face, but not alone, never alone. Now- I had to tell my family, then everyone else.....

how secure

How blessed we are

wrapped in Your love

secure and safe

walking among Your creation

hearing the music of life around us

the birds, wind in the trees, water

my heart is touched

realizing the truth

how great, is Your love

seeing the colors surrounding me

crystal blue sky, endless to the eye

wildflowers carpeting the ground before me

the colors of spring

wrapping us securely

in Your kaleidoscope of love

feeling, the warmth of the sun

the teasing coolness of the tender breeze

soft spring rains, quenching a dry ground

rinsing away the dust of a dry spirit

a gentle night, easing us into rest

my heart is touched, reminded

how secure, how safe

we are in Your love

held safely within Your hands

tenderly in Your arms

You watch over us, Your children

caring as a parent would

listening to our prayers to You

speaking to us, through Your word

through Your Spirit indwelling

I know Lord, I know

feeling You within

reminding me

how secure, how safe

we are in Your love

Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com

The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites

also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com

Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises

All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

the day

beautiful

is the day

filled with love

special

is the day

filled with kindness

blessed

is the day

walked in faith

Heaven is sounding sweeter

Heaven is sounding sweeter Lord

to me, to me

with each passing day

I watch the things around me

storms of this world blowing strong

and I long in my heart

for home

sweet Heaven above

sounding sweeter

with the sickness and the pain

of those we love, or may only know of

suffering in silence

those that have no home, no place to rest their head

Heaven, sweet sweet Heaven

sounds better every day

to me, Lord, to me

to walk the golden roads

and hear the angels sing

praises such praises, to You, Lord and King

to walk in Your holy light

so close, finally in Your presence

knowing, here, there is no more sorrow

no pain, no loss

not here Lord, not here

Heaven is sounding sweeter

sweeter every day

as we watch the wars games play out

as the soldiers die, as the innocent die

for what?

worldly things, earthly things, that can not will not last

oils and jewels, land and wealth

greed of man, lust of flesh

Heaven is sounding sweeter

sweeter every day

and I long my Lord

to walk with You

in a land of no more sorrow

in a place, of song and love

Your holy light shining brightly

Your presence, taking breath away

the beauty, Heaven's beauty

no match for Your love

and yet, here on my knees Lord

hands raised to You

I whisper in my heart

words slipping from trembling lips

Heaven is sounding sweeter

sweeter every day

how my heart does long

to be with You Lord, to be with You

for Heaven is sounding sweeter

sweeter, every day.

















































Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com





The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites





also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com



Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises



All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com



http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels

with

With each new day that comes

may I be ever reminded of You

as dawn's light begins

so let my thoughts of You

walking with me, speaking with me

guiding my steps along the path You have set

with the brightening of the day

allow my sight to grow

not just for the earthly things around me

but for Your love that surrounds

let me see, all You would have me see

recognizing You in all things

hearing You speaking, leading

a new day, gift from You

let me use this day for You

bringing glory to You

in action, in word

Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com

The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites

also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com

Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises

All books available @ Poor Richard's Book Shoppe @ www.PRBookShoppe.com

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccasrevels