Well----------------We dit It

How am I going to deal with this change? How, will I adapt? Will I miss it badly enough to change my mind, or find alternative mans of replacement? As it is, on October 25th, an era will come to an end.

On October 25th, our subscription to the paper will end. That may not sound like any earth shattering event. To others, its a 'what's the big deal?' thought. To me, its a sad moment. The paper has been a part of our lives for as long as I can remember and then before that. On the 25th, that comes to an end, as a subscriber anyway.

As kids growing up here on this road, the mail and paper boxes were up on the main road. Someone has to walk up there and retrieve them. That was a big deal for kids who normally weren't allowed out of the yard alone.

The paper was this magical thing. It contained the news- not interested- it contained weather- not interested, it contained the obituaries- definitely not interested, it contained the comics- now you're talking. As I got a bit older I also loved reading Lewis Grizzard's columns. It broke my heart when I read of his passing away.

 For a long time, I would read the paper front to back and then at times, I'd go back for seconds, just because.

 When Hurricane Hugo came through I saved all of the newspapers that carried articles about it, and have them stacked safely out of the way. There have been other times when someone we knew was in the paper or there was an event that was covered that we would save, either for ourselves or for others.

 Yes, the paper had other uses as well. It lined birdcages, guinea pig cages and was down for the puppies. It also made a good fire starter during the winter months and I was out of kindling.

For a while I had op-ed columns that would run. Some times once a week, some times it skipped a week. The attention from those was great fun.

But, everything must eventually come to an end.

Yes, I can get everything online. Yes, I can watch the television for news. I can find other things to read.

Still,

There will no longer be those faint ink stains on my hands. there won't be the smell of fresh ink in the air when I pull that paper out of the plastic bag. There won't be that daily ritual of pouring a cup of coffee, grab  a snack and sit down for a few quiet moments.

The memories will remain. Even the one where we used the excuse of telling our grandmother that the paper was here, so we could sneak off down into the woods and play in the creek...

yep, even that one..

Can you stand a cuteness overload?

I think it is time to step back away from everything causing stress and enjoy a cuteness overload. I really hope to hear a nice loud chorus of "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" coming from the viewers of the following photos.

When I first located the kittens, I was worried about their mom moving them. I've had that happen before, once for the good, and once not. The good time, mamma cat brought her kittens around to the back of the house and introduced them to us. Those kittens (except for one, who we kept and is now curled up beside me) were all taken by a rescue group and adopted out. The not, mom took her babies and disappeared. I haven't seen any sign of mom or kittens since. Now, here we are again with kittens in the building. The one thing that is similar to the good outcome of before is that I am feeding this mamma cat as I was the first one. (I was feeding the one that disappeared, but she wouldn't allow me to get near her, ever.) I'm hoping that because of feeding her and showing her lots of love, her babies will remain accessible and safe in the building.

When I got home from work today I knew I was going to the building and visit with the babies. I was also going to find a way to make them something better to sleep on. In the closet was an old flannel sheet, adorned with a snowflake pattern, I pulled that out and headed for the building. In the building after a brief search I found a wooden box like contraption that was shallow enough, yet sturdy enough to hold up to five kittens. I carried it over to where the kittens were snuggled in a soft sided personal size cooler and carefully so as not to frighten them any more than I already was, I put everything in place.

Then, I put my plan into action. I slowly reached for the first kitten, continually speaking softly and gently. As it hissed and postured angrily I carefully picked it up and held it close, gently caressing its head and back. After a few moments it grew still and allowed the attention. As I placed it softly in the new makeshift bed, it snuggled in comfortably.

Then mom showed up. She jumped up on a storage box that was behind me and watched as I ran my fingers across the top of the head of her baby. Once she knew I wasn't going to harm her little ones she stretched out and pretty much went to sleep. 

Of course in the middle of all this my husband had to call, and talk for what seemed like forever. All the while the kittens didn't seem to know whether to be angry, confused, or content in the situation. When my husband ran out of anything to say we ended the conversation and I went back to the kittens.

One by one I picked them up, very careful not to startle or injure them. They each had their own special personalities. Each one was afraid at first but seemed to settle in and accept the attention. Even the one who had the most fear, or the biggest, big bad brave attitude, allowed my handling her for a while.

As each was placed in the new bed, they snuggled in with the others. They seemed content and happy to have a little more room than was available in the cooler as there was only room for four of them, one was left out in the cold. Now they were all together, snuggled up and after the major photo-snuggle session they were happy to see me leaving.

But I'll be back....

Five Precious Babies

Currently in our storage building, there is a mother cat and her five kittens. I'm upset over this actually. However, it is not mamma cat's fault. Mamma is too friendly to be a feral cat. I cannot help but believe that someone, dumped this poor baby when she became pregnant. Their way of not dealing with kittens, dump mom out and let her fend for herself. That is what upsets me, even as I have no proof of this. The thing is, this has happened too many times not to be so.

She simply showed up one day seemingly out of nowhere. We saw her crossing the yard toward where all of the left over scraps were tossed out. The first few times I saw her, I actually thought she belonged to one of the neighbors. I knew every time she was crossing the yard thanks to our dogs.  They  hate her. She is an uninvited interloper that is stealing attention that is supposed to be theirs. There is also the fact they are dogs, she is a cat, and dogs and cats are supposed to be enemies. (Don't tell that to my dogs and my inside cats, because they currently get along fine.) Because of thinking she belonged to one of the neighbors I didn't pay her much attention. I sure didn't try to pet or feed her.

Then, one day, my son fed her. 

He said he couldn't not feed her as she walked right up to him crying, with this terrible begging, hungry, forget pride, meow. Once he fed her she followed him all around the yard. Not asking now for food for the body, but for the spirit. She wanted, needed to be paid attention. She wanted someone to rub her head and belly. She wanted a back scratch. She wanted to feel wanted.

                                                      (she didn't like the flash going off)

The next time I saw her, I fed her. Once again, once her belly was filled, she wanted her heart filled. Spending a little time with her was easy as she is so sweet and loving. I didn't try to pick her up as I realize she is still very cautious even in her easy disposition. I thought at first she was expecting, turns out, she had already had her kittens.

I found them today.

Five beautiful, precious little lives, curled up in the back of our storage building. Their eyes are already open wide. I had carried some food and fresh water out there for mom and my flashlight since I was planning on a little seek and find. It only took a few moments before I saw them. Originally I saw four kittens curled up tightly together. Two grey and two calico. I kept talking to them as I made my way over some of the stuff piled up out there. I also kept an eye on little mamma as I didn't want to upset her. She was happily eating and glancing my way occasionally. I got to a place where I could stretch out and barely touch the kittens. They were very nervous of my presence so I didn't push it too far. I pet them very lightly for a few moments and when I saw them getting agitated I stopped. In their agitation though, the calicos moved revealing they had been piled up on top of yet another calico. Five precious babies, Little Miss Mamma didn't look big enough or old enough to have born five babies. Obviously though she had, as here they were. 

Now what?

I have to find a way to tame this group and get them adoptable. As precious and adorable as they are, I'm hoping that won't be too difficult... hoping, really hoping. As all babies deserve and need a good home. One that won't dump them out at the slightest reason or difficulty.

I currently have two dogs and two cats as members of our family. They are family, not pets. They give love, they give companionship, they give protection, they give because that is their nature. They only ask that we love them back, give them the food and shelter from the elements they need and make them the part of our family they deserve to be.

Someone out there, dumped this precious cat and her unborn babies, and left her to survive or not. Once she was dumped, she was no longer their problem. They had no concern over her, or the fact that she could have been hit by a car. There are coyote in the woods and there are big dogs all in the area. This mother cat is small, she looks to be only six months or so in age. How could anyone, with any heart at all, have dumped this sweet baby out and left her? How could anyone do that to any animal? They are not just dumb animals. They have heart, they have spirit, they have a great intelligence. They have an amazing capacity for love, even for the humans who treat them so poorly.

This could have been avoided if this kitten had been kept inside. It could have been avoided if they had taken and got her spayed. Pets which are spayed or neutered have a better and longer life expectancy. They have less health issues. There are no unwanted babies. They roam less. They are not in danger of being taken out to some back country road and dumped out in the hopes someone else with more heart will take care of them.

To the someone who dumped Little Miss, I pity you. When you tossed this baby, you tossed away a very loving, very sweet lady who could have given you a life time of love, affection and companionship. I hope that I can tame the babies and find them and her a home deserving of such love.

A Few Questions, seeking answers

I have a question, or two, or more.. I'm genuinely curious as to answers.

 How, does burning an innocent person's business, bring about positive change?

 How, does breaking windows, bring about positive change?

 How, does stopping traffic on a busy interstate, bring about positive change?
 How does breaking into a truck, stealing the contents, and setting it on fire, on the interstate, bring about positive change?

 How, does turning over vehicles, police or civilian's, bring about, positive change?

 How, does throwing rocks, bricks, chairs, fireworks, bring about positive change?

 How, does attacking your fellow protestors, bring about positive change?

 How, does screaming, yelling, cursing, bring about positive change?

 How does forming an out of control mob and parading down roadways, bring about positive change?

 How, does attacking the police or any other first responder, the ones there to protect you, bring about positive change?

 How, does causing people to see you in a bad light, bring about positive change?

 How, does looting, bring about positive change?

 -

 I do understand that there is great frustration and anger about things that are going on. Anger on both sides. I wonder, how many are really talking or listening to the other. People are dying, some innocent, some not. The Police are more prone to shoot first now, and ask questions later. Why? Because so many of them are being shot. If, you want the Police to stop being so quick to shoot, stop shooting them. Yeah, that's much too simplistic I know. But its a start. Yes, I know that there are some bad cops mixed in with the good. That is true in everything.

We need to stop the madness on all side. We need to stop, take a breath, sit down somewhere and talk. Calmly. All of the shouting needs to be over with. All of the mob mentality, needs to stop.

If you want positive change, really want positive change, it begins with you. It begins with me. It begins with each individual who must stop the hate, stop the ignorance, stop the us against them mentality.

We need to better educate ourselves. Make sure that our children get a good education. Make sure they stay in school. Make sure they understand the importance of a good education and furthering that education. Motivate them. Make them hungry for better, the right way. No matter if you are black, white, Hispanic, Native American, or any other nationality. A good education is a first step toward change.

 Get a job. Don't be picky, be a starter. Be determined that you are going to better yourself, in the process, you better the community around you. If you can't find anyone to hire you, become an entrepreneur. Learn to do landscape work, learn carpentry, learn handyman work, learn the best ways to do scrap metal/ salvage work. As you learn, as you earn, move upward. Keep educating yourself, keep improving what you do. Become in demand for what you do.

Take the time to help out in the community. Take time to work with the children, to help the homeless and hungry. Work in food kitchens or shelters. Help your neighbors with their needs. Show that you are determined to bring about that positive change. The right way.

Adjust your attitude. Throw away those racist, ugly, phobic, discriminatory ideas about others and take time to get to know them. We can all get along, if we try. We aren't really that different. We all breathe oxygen, we all must eat, we all bleed red, we all have a heart. Yes, there are differences, both if we take time to understand, we can take those differences and build on them to create and bring about that positive change. We can. If we try. If we stop the madness, stop the insanity, stop the hate, stop.... just stop...and talk. It can begin, by answering a few questions.

Hello Charlotte, where have you gone?

                               (This is not my photo. This is a photo being shared on social media, of a Charlotte, NC police officer during the riots)

While on a break at work today, I began writing a blog post. Unfortunately I was in such a hurry to leave, I forgot the paper. So all of the wonderful things I had written down, will have to wait until another day. Today though, today is from the heart.

My heart breaks for Charlotte and her people. My heart breaks, for those of us who reside in Charlotte's shadow. This is not the Charlotte we know and love. How could this, like a cancer invading a body, invade such a beautiful city? What on Earth or in Heaven, can be done to stop this?

Sadly, it isn't just the city of Charlotte that is having to face the riots and fall out of this invasion. In fact, a disease called ignorance. What are the symptoms of this? Division among the people. Find ways to create anger, disharmony, discontent, distrust, and amplify it to the highest level. Find a way, to make it a racial thing. Whether it is or not, find the loudest voice and set them to shouting without rest. Find a way, to make it about equality or rather inequality. Find a way, to feed the beast of discontent and anger. Find a way, to put guns in the wrong hands. People who will not listen and obey. People who are somewhere they should not be, doing something best left undone, or people who forget they and the people they are facing are human not animals.

 Charlotte, I'm watching what is going on there. My face is wet with the tears shed over what is happening. My heart breaks and my soul is weary over this. I fear, that somehow, we are all being manipulated into situations like this, we are pawns in a game created by someone who is sitting back safely watching as their match to the flame, flares and the fires lit, burn out of control.

 Charlotte, we are better than this. We are not an out of control mob bent on destruction. Or at least, we should not be such.

Is there in equality? I would be blind and ignorant to say not. Of course there is. Is this right? No, it is not. But rioting will not change that circumstance. Destroying the property of others, will not bring about the change sought. To bring about change, one must do so, in a positive manner. Even if it is by gathering in protest.. peaceful protest that does not devolve into riots and violence. Talking, calm, under control, rational conversation will help bring about change.

Is there a division among the people of Charlotte? Just as there is division almost everywhere else, I am sure there are divisions among the inhabitants of Charlotte. Just as each area of a city has a different quality, different feel, different life, such is the neighborhoods and the people who live there. Sadly, the quality of life in some areas is not good, is not perfect. Rioting and destroying the property of others, will not change that. Will not have others ready and willing to help you make changes. They will not be ready and willing to help create improvements toward a better more equal life.

At every opportunity, there will be those who shout gun control. As has been said before, passing legislation for stricter gun control will only keep guns out of the hands of the innocent ones, the guilty, the thieves and robbers, they will still find ways to get guns. I would not argue that there is a need for better education, more training, even stronger requirements before one can own a handgun, but that is only a possibility, not set in stone.

Charlotte, along some roadways, I can see you in the distance. Your high rise buildings glittering and reflecting the sunlight. You are the Queen City, you are a crown jewel of North Carolina, you are better than you are acting at the moment.

 Those who are angry, are not thinking, as they shout, "Black Lives Matter" that all lives matter. Everyone there, are humans. Whether it is the out of control rioters shouting and creating destruction, or the police, who are trying to do their job. When the police go home, when they remove that uniform, they are mere human just as you. Do not, for one moment forget that. Do not forget that they too, have families, have parents, have children. They are attempting to do their job, which guess what, is to keep you safe. But if you mess up and do something illegal, adult up and accept responsibility and the charges. If you can't do that, then do not do the crime. They are not profiling you unless you are doing something worthy of being profiled.

 The police, the firefighters, the paramedics, they are out there, every single day, some working very long shifts, to help you. to protect you, to make it better for you.

Bad things happen. People make incorrect decisions and bad moves. They act without thinking or don't think and don't act when they should. But just because bad things happen, we should not go out of our way to make bad- worse.

Charlotte, please, instead of starting fires, lets start conversations. Instead of throwing bricks and rocks, lets throw out ideas. Instead of gathering in mass to loot stores, lets gather to build that bridge to equality. Instead of destroying, lets us stand together and build and rebuild. As a society, we have come a long way, even as there is further to go, let us continue to move forward. Please lets not go backward.

Charlotte, you are a beautiful city, with beautiful people. Let us not sully that with the ugliness of anger, hate, discord and disharmony. Lets get up, dust ourselves off, clean up the mess and move forward.......together.

Let our anger, be as a river, flowing away, so we can move forward with faith, trust, improvement and change

Two Different Protests, Two Different Groups, Two Different Everything

 Really Charlotte? No, not Charlotte, that's neither correct nor fair. Really, some people of Charlotte, Really? How could you do such as you did last night? Part of me wants to stand and scream, "are you out of your minds?" Part of me wants to simply shake my head and walk away. But this part of me, wants to climb up on a soapbox and speak my piece.

Yes. yes, I know as much as the media has shared of what happened. Yes, I know that a man was shot and killed. Yes, I know there are conflicting stories. Yes, I know you are angry, you are hurt, and you want change. I get it. You apparently do not.

What you did last night, will not bring about the positive change you claim to want. Going out and blocking the interstate and destroying property that belongs to someone else is not going to get you what you want. Setting fires, attacking innocent drivers on the roadways and trying to break into stores, will not get you what you want. You, in your actions last night, were not protesters, you were an out of control riot that in your path of destruction created anger, fear, and disgust. Nothing new there. Nothing changed there. You want change? Let it begin with yourself, your attitude, your actions.

        You claim that you are oppressed and that needs to change. You want to see real oppression? Open your eyes and look toward the west. Look and see how the Native Americans live. Do some research and see how life on some of the reservations really is. Look at those who do not even have running water in their homes. Look at how there are no jobs. Look into their faces and see the desolation, the depression, the hunger. Then, maybe you will understand oppression.

 But wait, They too want change. They want to stop an oil pipeline because they realize the dangers of this thing crossing a main source of water for millions. They understand the risks, not just for them, but for everyone and everything that depends on that water. That pipeline will also cross some of their sacred land. They want it stopped. So, they too are protesting.

Thousands of Native Americans are gathered and gathering in North Dakota. Thousands of people, a gathering of every Nation of Native Americans and more. A coming together the likes of which has not happened since Wounded Knee. But there is a difference. They aren't stopping traffic on the roadway and stealing from the back of trucks. They are not starting fires, breaking into the business of others. They are not relying on fear to get attention.  They are not calling themselves protesters, but protectors. They are gathering peacefully. They are holding meetings with officials. They are holding prayer meetings. They are communicating in a civilized and respectful manner. They are getting the right kind of attention and getting the respect of others. They are getting the support of many because of their ways of handling this.. where they want change.

Thousands of people...calm, talking, discussing, accomplishing things. Making an appearance, and making a point. Without fights, fires or violence, yet gaining on that change.

In Charlotte.....a small gathering of people, creating a path of destruction. Leaving a trail of garbage, injuries, anger, and people who are determined to stand strong in the stance they currently hold.

Do I know, if that gentleman had a weapon or a book? No, I do not. Do I know if he was waiting on his child, or waiting to create a diversion of some sort? No, I do not.

What do I know?

I know, that if you do a crime, any crime, you are guilty and you need to pay the cost. If your friend, your second cousin twice removed, your best friend since grade school does a crime, they are guilty. Do not, step in there and try to help them get away, let them pay the cost they earned by doing something illegal. Helping them get away with a wrong, does not make it right.

I know, that the police, firefighters, paramedics and any other first responder is out there every day, often working long hours, for YOU. They are out there trying to protect you. Trying to rescue you, trying to get you to the hospital, or to bandage wounds, or put out fires. Their job is dangerous, they are out there- for you. Respect them. Act in a responsible, mature, respectful manner and everyone will get to go home that night.

Every life is important. No matter the age, no matter the race, no matter the religion, no matter the profession. Every single life is important. We need to remember that, and we need to remember how to pull together. It is only by coming together, calmly, rationally, respectfully and talking, will change come about. We have to remember that no matter what, we are Americans. Stop letting tags separate us. Stop recreating segregation, we tried to get rid of that a long time ago, don't bring it back. Don't cry its us against them. Don't, don't don't. Because if you do, then there will be change, but it will be the wrong kind of change.

Count down to 60-------------------------------------------------Why?

Right after my fiftieth birthday, in 2007, I had a physical. I had not had one in a while and I figured it was time that I broke down and did something that is recommended to be done annually. It was at then end of the physical that my doctor told me I should have a mammogram. Up until then he had told me he didn't think it necessary, something about dense tissue..I didn't argue, I had heard and read  the reports about needing mammograms so I told them to go ahead and set up the appointment. Dang it if they didn't find cancer. It was so very small the surgeon was surprised they had spotted it. But, they did and she saw it and it all added up to surgery and radiation treatments with a couple of years following on medication.

Now here we are, all those years down the road and as far as I know now, I'm healthy as anyone can be. Every year I have a mammogram, every year I have a follow up with the surgeon and every year I've come back healthy and no signs of cancer.

Why?

I have changed my diet. I do eat healthier, more fruits, vegetables, and lean meats. My son has even convinced me that we don't need meat all of the time, it should be an occasional addition he is right and there are other ways to get protein besides meat. I've basically cut out drinking soda. The only time you will see me with any kind of soda is if I'm not feeling well and its the only thing that will sit on my stomach. I still drink my coffee (now black unless we're out somewhere and its too strong) otherwise it s lots of water.  I've even cut back on the junk food that I love so well-- that part is not easy. I so love chocolate, but I know that when I break down I can only buy one candy bar, if I buy more I will binge eat until its all gone. Right now the only candy I'm eating is the big reeces peanut butter cup after grocery shopping. Everyone deserves a treat if you survive walmart without losing control at some point.

I have a physical job, but I try, weather permitting, to walk. I love hiking our woods and seeking out photographic subjects. I have a manual treadmill and elliptical here in the house but they aren't much fun to be truthful.

I'm working on stress control. Deep breathing, prayers, calming music, videos or movies that make me laugh, writing, anything that will help keep me calm and in control of the moment.

Yes, I'm trying to keep myself healthy........ but......

so have many others, many others who battled cancer again and again.

Many others, who have left us, because of the cancer.

Why?

So many of these people had many more friends, many more who loved them and will forever have a hole in the heart because they are gone from this life. You see the proof of this, on social media, meeting others on the street, signs along the way. People are hurting, because of those lost. They were there, beside of them every step of the way, encouraging them, praying for them, lifting them up every single day. They were there, ready and willing to help in any and every way possible. Yet still, in the end, there was nothing more they could do and the ones they love, were lost.

So many people, going through treatment after treatment, surgery after surgery, trying all manner of medications, methods, prayers..fighting as hard as they could possibly fight every single time. Thinking, praying, believing that this time they beat it, only to have it return yet again. Returning, until there was no more fight left.

Why?

Am I still here

Am I still healthy?

When those who were loved so deeply and will be missed so terribly are not?

No, I do not write this seeking anything other than understanding. I don't write to try and get attention to me and away from others. I do not write this, seeing sympathy.. sympathy for being healthy?? no.

I seek only to understand why those who were loved so deeply, who had such beautiful lives, are gone and I am here..

Did they fulfill their purpose? Their lives of love, of strength, of courage, of hope. Their lives, being warriors against a fierce foe that seeks only to stop them from fulfilling their reason. Yet, every day, every single day, they continued until they could continue no more.

We all have a purpose, a reason for being. Nothing is simply by chance. We are not here, simply floating through life and then one day we're gone. There is something we are here to accomplish.

So I wonder, why am I still here, still healthy and what is it, that I am supposed to be doing? What is my purpose? Even as I think of those now gone, even as I sit, mourning their loss, applauding their courage and honoring their life. I only hope, that as I walk this walk, traveling this road of life, I can be as brave, as strong and as hopeful as I seek to find and fulfill what it is I am here for.