Discoveries

Some know, that I grew up on this dirt road, in this very house. My memories of my youth are as close as right outside my door. While we were not among those that are called privileged, as far as material things, I believe that we were and are privileged in better ways. One of which was and is the freedom to roam the woods on our property and as youth exercise vivid imaginations or as adults find a wonderful stress relief.

 As a youth, I was always too busy playing to notice the flora and fauna of the woods. As an adult who returned to my home, I found myself more home bound and less into the woods. It was a bout with cancer that changed that. And even though that battle was seven years ago, and I am healthy now, the changes in my life that it brought about are still ongoing. I returned to the place of my youth, I returned to the woods and the discoveries there.
 The day the diagnoses was official, the first thing I did after breaking it to family, was to hit my beloved but long neglected, woods. I had walked as dad had built a small pond at the base of the hill, but the walks were mainly to the pond, a few laps around and back to the house.

 The walks now were a bit slower and more attuned to what was around me. I was looking for things that would take my focus off the health issues and onto something better, something beautiful. I was not disappointed as every day there was something new and different to be discovered. One of the amazing things was that, some of the plant life that I found, are only found in one or maybe two areas of the dirt road.

Every day I made different discoveries that brought that needed distraction and smile. Today, years down the road I still walk. Not every day as I did then, the distraction is not as badly needed, but life does tend to get stressful and the woods are the perfect place to find balance and peace. And there are still those things that I find in their one place, that reminds me that we each and all have a place, we each and all have a purpose, Our challenge is to find that place and take root and grow strong.

Have Mercy... Now I Understand

I can't, I simply can not get that sound out of my head.

I have a two year old German Shepherd Dog named Bella. I bring her in at night but she spends the day outside in our fenced yard. We live on a dirt road  in a rural area, our house sits literally in the woods. It is not unusual for us to have visitors in the back yard as it isn't fenced and I do have a tendency to toss leftovers down the hill. Many times I've heard the dogs barking at the sounds they hear telling them the raccoon or opossum have arrived in search of a free meal. Deer have a trail that runs just inside the wood line and goes from the main road all the way down to where it meets the dirt road a good half mile away. We've had visitors come around and sit on the outside of the fence teasing the dogs, knowing they were safe. Today, was a different story.

Around five this morning I fought with my alarm clock trying to get the thing to shut up. Dragging myself out of bed I grabbed my housecoat and made my way around the bed. Bella waited patiently for me to move the gate that insures she will stay in the room and not go into the kitchen and steal the cat's food,again. She beat me to the front door as usual and waited none too patiently for me to open the door. When I finally pushed the storm door open she shot out and into the yard, ready to seize the day. I on the other hand sleepily made my way to the coffee pot. I no sooner had cup in hand when I heard the strangest sound. To the best of my memory I had never heard a sound quite like that before so I moved to investigate.

It was still dark outside and with Bella being black she is almost impossible to see until she starts moving. Which is exactly what she was doing, and she was ever in a hurry. When she suddenly stopped I heard that sound again. It sounded exactly like something screaming. Not caring that I was barefoot and still in my nightgown I shoved the door open and went out onto the porch. Shouting at Bella she looked up which gave the victim a chance to make a run for it. Bella immediately again took chase. I quickly set my coffee cup down on the first flat surface and ran to see exactly what Bella was after. It was a young rabbit. Every time Bella caught up with the rabbit it screamed and I shouted. I knew the neighbors had to be hearing me but I didn't care. I grabbed for Bella, but I missed the first time and she kept after the rabbit. Several times I heard the poor thing scream, in fear, in pain, both probably. It was a horrible sound. I finally managed to grab Bella by her by the collar and get her inside the house. By this time the young rabbit was on the front porch and under a chair. As I went to catch it, the rabbit had moved behind a doghouse that sits on the porch. I pushed the dog house out of the way and gently put my hand on the rabbit. It flinched but didn't move away, it had nowhere to go anyway.

Lifting the rabbit I ever so gently stroked its back. It didn't fight with me, it didn't try to get away. That in itself was not a good sign but I carefully carried it across the yard and over to the edge of the woods. I was still in my night clothes but I didn't care. It was still dark, but even if it wasn't. I had just witnessed something I didn't want to see. I don't care if its nature's order of things. To me, my dog had just been a horrible bully to an innocent creature. I could only hope the rabbit would be okay but I doubted it.

I kept Bella in the house for almost an hour. When I finally let her back outside she went straight to where she last saw the rabbit. When I left for work, I glanced over to where I had placed the rabbit earlier. It had died as I feared it would. There were no external injuries so I don't know if it was due to internal injuries, fear or a little of both. I knew that I would bury it when I got home, because I couldn't do otherwise.

All day long, I heard that rabbit's screams. They can not be described any other way but screams. They were nothing less than the sounds of terror. Real terror, not the overly exaggerated sounds that you hear in the movies or the pseudo fear screams coming from those on some thrill ride at an amusement park. Those were the real thing, that were coming from a being who knew their very life was in danger, who felt the physical pain of being attacked. I heard it repeatedly as my dog chased it, I heard it over and over again during the day, knowing I was hearing the sounds of death. And there was nothing I could do. All day I hoped that those last few minutes were comforting as I gently stroked its back as I carried it from the yard. But I do now understand better, to a very tiny degree, how members of the military can be affected by their service. I can better understand the post traumatic stress brought on by hearing the screams of those who are hurt or dying. Brought on by witnessing the death of others, or causing it. Yes, I watched a rabbit, and those are people, I know there is a big difference. But just as the screams from a rabbit echoed in my head, how much more so most the screams of people echo in theirs.

Changes brought about by cancer

Changes faced..battles fought..battles won

The one thing that I never, ever expected that I would say, is that I am a cancer survivor.  I do not expect special treatment because of having gone through cancer. I do not want, or accept pity as there is no cause or call for it. Each day that passes I see people whose fight is much worse than mine was. I see, I read of or hear about their struggles and I know that I had it easy. But I had it. And because of that, I will never be the same.

   Before cancer, there was an innocence. You know you will have colds, even the flu and in a few days all goes back to normal. You know that you can stump your toe, bump and bruise, or get a splinter and when it is healed, all is normal again. That isn't exactly true with cancer. Not for me anyway. While I don't obsess over cancer, every year when it comes time for that annual mammogram I wonder. That small shiver of 'what if' crawls along my back and settles in that little spot in the back of my mind. You know its there, you know the possibility is there, but you can't let it get a hold and grow.

   Before cancer, I never thought too much about what I was eating. I had cut back on sodium intake - I thought. As far as anything else, there were no restrictions. I love junk food, I crave junk food in ways similar to an addict, because I am addicted to sugar. Guess what I discovered after cancer? That cancer feeds on sugar in all of its forms. My diet went from junk to healthier. No, I don't always eat healthy, but I try to maintain a more healthy diet than I did.  My diet is filled with more fruits and vegetables. I do cook more from scratch than I did before. I have discovered that it really does make a difference.

 Before cancer, my exercise was limited to walking from the chair to the bedroom. I did the household chores and my work is somewhat physical, but it wasn't enough of the right stuff. I will be honest n that I need to work more on this aspect of the changes, but I'm trying. I do, weather and time permitting, walk for an hour. Once the weather gets better I'm taking the dog and doing more hiking on some local trails. I may even actually try to get in the habit of running. I do need to incorporate strength training into the routine.

  Before cancer, I didn't think much about stress levels or how to lower them. Stress was and is, simply a fact of and a part of life. But the truth is, it doesn't have to be. I'm continually learning more and better ways to handle stress. Through the music I listen to, through the hobbies I enjoy, through the hikes behind the house, the list is endless in how one can ease the tension and stress in their life.

  Before cancer, my knowledge was very limited. I knew it was a disease. I knew that people suffered and died from it. But it was, other people, and not me. Since my personal battle with cancer I've learned a great deal. I have learned and I continue to learn.  I have learned I am stronger than I thought. I have learned the pain of losing loved ones to cancer. I have learned that cancer is non-discriminatory and doesn't care about age, race, sex, what you do for a living, whether you are a mother, father, sister, aunt.. I have learned that cancer is a cruel enemy and one that must be fought. It is the only way that we will stop losing people we love. It is the only way that we can put a real end to the suffering that people going through cancer endure.  I have learned how to eat better, exercise better, calm the stress. I have learned, but there are others who have yet to gain a better understanding. We need more and better ways to educate people so they too can be healthier. Without forcing them to change but giving them the understanding that would bring about a desire to change.

 It is my belief that the American Cancer Society is trying to do just that, but they do need funding. That is one of the reasons why I participate in Relay for Life. That is why I invite others to join us. That is why I ask for donations of time, talent, materials and yes, money. To help bring about changes that will in time, find a cure, better preventative measures, and better ways to fight, endure and win the battle.

You can join my team, make a donation or place an order for a luminaria here:  http://main.acsevents.org/goto/rebeccarevels

 Our Relay is May 9th at Common Grounds of Stanley. I hope to see you there..

We're off and running

So here we go.

 It is already the middle of January, usually by now we are well into our Relay for Life season. This year due to a variety of reasons we are off to a late start. That does not mean we are starting off slow. Once that gate lifted, we took off and there's no stopping us now.

 We had a 'town hall' type meeting which get us started. This was a meeting of the great and passionate minds that helped to lay the beginning of the foundation for this year. Those who were there were asked to consider being a part of the committee or to approach those they knew who might be interested.

 Changes to the way a Relay committee is structured, possible changes to the event itself, were discussed.

 Each of us also discussed our personal involvement with Relay for Life, how long we had been a part, why and what it was that we liked the most. There were so many passionate people at the meeting. Each had their favorite part of Relay, with their reasons being valid and strong.

 One of the main reasons for participating, we are all tired of losing people important to us, to this disease.  We've all been touched in some way, shape or form. We've lost family or watched family members fight. We've lost friends, neighbors, coworkers to cancer. We've watched their fight, we've been there for them when they needed us. We've offered support, cooked meals, given rides, sat with them so they wouldn't be alone. We've cried with them, held them, encouraged them.

  All the while we've cursed this disease and privately vowed to do everything with in our power to fight for those who can't, to work toward a funding for a cure, to remember those who have  gone on before us.

  We work because we believe. We believe that it is possible to find ways to prevent and to cure. We believe that we can help those who are fighting so to make their battle easier.

  Relay for Life is not just something we do to fill the time, for us, it is a lifestyle. One that will be a part of our lives until we are needed no more. We will fight until there is a cure.

  The gate has opened, we are on our way. There's plenty of room for more who share  this same passion. Together, we can do this. Together, we can make great strides to finding a cure...

And the Web has Exploded--Robin Williams gone..

And the Web has exploded

   I'm sure you have heard by now of the death of Robin Williams. The internet has nearly imploded with the news spreading quicker than a western wildfire. He was loved by many, tolerated by many and also disliked by many. It all depended on your own personal taste and preferences. While I personally was not a fan of the language that he used, (but in truth, it was language no different than so many other entertainers use) I could and will not argue his mind blowing talent.

  I remember him as Mork on Happy Days and then co-starring with other talents in Mork and Mindy. His rapid fire wit and imagination making for an incredible viewing experience. I have always been a fan of improvisation, my first taste of that coming from Jonathan Winters and then following the same path, Robin Williams. Mork and Mindy may not have been highly thought of at the time, I don't know and honestly don't care as it was fun, it was silly, it was goofy, it was unpredictable and it was fun. It was Robin Williams being Robin Williams.

  While I'm not a big movie enthusiast I have seen many of his works. His range of style was impressive, his talent, without question. Like him or not, the man could act. He was the rebel that he presented to us in Good Morning Vietnam. He was the genie he did voice over for in Aladdin gifting us with his tremendous ability and creativity. He was and will forever be Peter Pan. He will be our happy thoughts even in the sadness in our heart for his loss.

  It doesn't matter the cause of death, not really. The loss is great for us all. Depression is a serious problem no matter who you are. But if you are a creative person, especially a highly talented and imaginative person who feels everything a thousand times more than one who is not as creative it is a tremendous demon to battle. It doesn't matter how many times you think you have it under some form of control it manages to slip away and attack from a different angle. The darkness that tends to shroud the demons do not help. The truth that there are so many who can not possibly comprehend does not help. One who is depressed feel as if they are doing battle all alone and with each step forward are sliding three steps backward. Sliding backward into an abyss from which there is no rescue.

   Robin Williams was a great talent. Yes, he will live on in the movies he made,there is no doubt the fire he lit in others who watched and wished to emulate he will bring us other talented actors who will in their own ways entertain us. There will never be another such as Robin Williams. May he rest in the arms of peace, his demons finally stilled. May his family find comfort as they deal with the sadness of their loss.

 Good-bye Robin, we're leaving the window open always..na nu.. na nu...

Considering You Lord

In the midst of the storms thundering around me

the rains of strife and fear pouring down,

You are my shelter, You are my refuge

Drawing me close to You, covering me with Your peace

What took so long, to realize what it is like

when I consider what You have done for me

Why did I hesitate to draw near to You

In my youth, I heard Your voice, speaking within my heart

calling to me, inviting me to come to You

Offering what no one else could, what nothing else could

serenity in You, a peace that can be found nowhere else

forgiveness for the sins of this earthly heart

Cleansing of a stained life by Your mercy and grace

What took so long, to realize, what it is like

when I consider what You have done for me

How could I take so long, to draw near to You?

In the time of troubles, I heard You

speaking softly to me, letting me know You are near

always so near to me, even when I wandered

You still remained, watching over me, watching over my life

waiting for me to see, how far away I had grown

the wrong paths that I had taken, leading me away from You

all the while You waited, knowing in time, I would realize

when I took time to consider what it is like

to walk with You, close to You through every storm

to walk with You along every pathway in this life

because of what it is, that You have done for me

Heaven's glory you left, to come to this place

God becoming man, to take on what no one else could

Walking this earth with a message of hope and words of love

Teaching all who would listen Your words of compassion

When I read Your Word, how could I not consider who You are

An apostle of our confession, sent with the authority to reveal God

To bring God to us, to me, so we may see

When I read Your Word, how could I not consider who You are

High Priest for our confession, standing between us and God

Your blood spilled, given for our transgressions

So that we, so that I, may draw near to God, and know God the Father

Whether I stand in the high places or struggle in the valley I can boast in You

Your peace surrounds me, Your love enfolds me

Your most merciful grace heals and forgives me of all I have done

How my Lord, my Savior

could I not consider You?

You called me Disturbed

                          photo taken at Cades Cove in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee

 Recently I found myself in an online conversation that was civil, but just barely. I had shared something that I saw on a social media site knowing that it had potential to bring out those who are rabid in their beliefs and don't mind showing it. I was therefore not surprised when the derisive comments appeared. I will be the first to admit that I have at times, shared or posted things on social media sites  that I know will get a reaction. Knowing that those reactions will not always be good. I do this in the hopes of starting rational, mature conversations on those topics. Unfortunately, on many social media sites, mature and rational are rare and endangered. The comments that were made to this posting were really not all that bad and nothing unexpected. The problem was in one of words used. I am not one to use words that are known as curse words, while I know that to many they are merely words no worse than any other, I simply choose not to use them and would prefer others to not use them on my personal page. When I asked that people who commented on anything I post please not use such language that was when the problem began.

 I realize that people have things that they are very passionate about. If you bring that topic up the best you can do is stand back out of the way and let them get it out of their system. I love to see comments made on my postings. I may not agree with you, but you have as much right to your beliefs as I have mine. Maybe its my age showing, but I prefer that those words not be used, I think that there are way too many other options and alternatives available. Yes, certain words may show your feeling, but so may one of the options. Using those options may also get your points more attention as people seek out to understand what you are saying and what those new words mean. As it is, my requesting that those words not be used had the one disagreeing with me calling me disturbed. I was even called the White Rabbit of Alice in Wonderland fame.

  This conversation happened early one morning. I could have allowed it to ruin my day but I didn't. In fact I did the complete opposite and had way too much fun with it. Commenting that if I were the White Rabbit- to which I disagree I'm more the March Hair (spooooooooooon) type, then Johnny Depp (Mad Hatter) is my neighbor. I laughed and had coworkers laughing rather than holding onto anger and hurt feelings.

  Then, I began thinking more on the word. I realized that they were right in one sense. While I'm sure they were not meaning to be complimentary by calling me disturbed, they have no idea how right they are. I am very disturbed, and wish that more people were as well.

 I am disturbed at the number of people in this country who are homeless and hungry while this country sends billions of dollars to other countries. Some countries who don't even like us.

 I am disturbed at how easy it is for illegals to enter this country then demand and get assistance while those who are citizens often can't get needed help. Those who worked for so long only to lose that job then find themselves at risk of losing everything they have because for what ever reasons they can't find another job or one that pays enough to cover their needs.

  I am disturbed at how easy it is for illegals to get medical help while our veterans suffer and die due to lack of care. (I'm not against immigration, I simply think that it ought to be done legally as it has been done by so many for generations. Where immigrants came to this country, became citizens adopting this country and this country's ways instead of demanding we change for them.)

  I am disturbed at the lack of caring for our children. How so many are so self absorbed that they forget they are parents and supposed to be caring for their children in a responsible manner. Instead so many are more concerned about getting their drugs or alcohol of choice. Too many children are neglected and abused. Too many children are going hungry, too many are doing without medical care, clothing, love. Too many children are dying because of abuse or neglect.

  I am disturbed that our country's infrastructure is crumbling from age while we still send billions to those other countries. That so many of our cities are nearly abandoned and rotting away around us.

  I am disturbed that it is so easy for illegals to enter our country while other countries guard their borders with deadly force.

  I am disturbed by all the things I see reported of what goes on in other countries. How innocent civilians are killed. How children are abducted and forced into military service. How children are abducted-or sold by family- into slavery. It disturbs me to see so many hurting, so many sick, so many afraid, so many forced to live under certain rules and regulations under threat of death. Not a quick death either.

  I am disturbed at the way the earth has been polluted and ravaged by corporations seeking more and more money without caring for the damage they are doing. It bothers me to see how the planet is reacting through storms, tornadoes, floods, earthquakes and landslides. Forest fires are destroying more than forests as homes and buildings burn.

  I am disturbed by the greed and corruption that is rampant in governments. Not just that in this country but in almost if not all. While those that went in with good intentions are in the minority and are forced to battle against great odds, there are more that have greater strength and power and will get their way. Their way usually meaning better for them and well- do the best you can for the average citizen.

  I am disturbed by the abuse of the elderly, whether it is by family or attendants in assisted living facilities who are trusted to take care of them.

 I'm disturbed at the abuse of animals. Whether it is intention, whether it is out of ignorance, whether it is accidental, the results are often not good for the animal.

 I am disturbed by the many different groups of people who demand tolerance and acceptance but yet refuse to give to others what they demand for themselves.

  My heart bleeds and weeps for this list and for the many things that I haven't mentioned here. It seems that so many have lost that thing called compassion. It appears that self-serving has become the normal way of life. Without compassion there is no mercy, no kindness, no caring for others and their needs. You called me disturbed, you have no idea how right you are. I can only imagine what a different world this would be if others became as disturbed as I am.