Monday, June 26, 2017

Without You

                      The Fourth of July week is coming up. I'll be off from work as we usually are. All I can think is that you had wanted to make plans to go to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. You loved that area as much as I do, even though you couldn't hike to the fall at Cades Cove, you were going to take me and watch me walk away as I've done before. Through the woods and up the hill, all the way to the falls. While you waited for me back at the creek. You would have driven slowly through the park, helping me watch for the wildlife that live there. You would have shook your head at my excitement, you would have offered to carry my camera bag, you would have, but you can't. I was looking forward to going, to doing the things we always did. To eating at the same places, or maybe getting all crazy and trying somewhere new. You would have found a comfortable spot in front of the tv, or broke down and went with me on a souvenir hunt where I usually don't buy a thing, just love to look.
                     But you are no longer here, and I just don't think I'm ready to go there without you.
                     So I will most likely spend the week doing things here around the house. The yard all the way around needs work. Some of the stuff growing around the side of the house is so high and thick Tarzan may actually be hanging out in there, or Big I really need to get that down. I planted cucumbers over beside the storage building, but the trees and shrubs have grown so tall that they aren't getting enough sunlight. You had planned on cutting that mess down a while back. I guess while I'm off I can do it. I don't look for ward to any of it, I hate the thought of uncovering a snake. Especially without you, because you always had the best reactions when you found a snake, right before  you almost step on it. I'll just have to be extra careful.
                      I had James get the push mower out of the building and fill it with gas. I plan on getting up there between the road and fence and mow that stuff down. Some of it is already over my head. I'm not sure what those weeds are, but they're blocking some of the solar panels so they have to go. I can only hope that the people driving up and down the dirt road don't do what they have always done in the past and suddenly think the road has gotten wider.
                        I hope to get the carport cleaned out. With you not here I might can now trash some of that stuff. I don't even have any idea what some of that is, but it was yours and you brought it home when you left Fisher Brothers to driver for Abilene. James or I neither one have any use for any of it so it will probably go .. somewhere.
                        Did you see? Can you see, from where you are? I got this huge couple of tomatoes out of the garden the other night. The kind that you always wanted but would never grow. That was one of the best mater sandwiches I've had in a long time. It still wasn't as good as it could have been, since I was eating it without you, knowing how you would have liked one yourself.
                        This  life is so strange now and so different without you. Its too quiet, its too empty. There's no one in the other room making weird, overly loud yawning noises just because you could. No one tapping on the table because you knew it drove me nuts. No one asking what was for dinner, or did I want to go somewhere, or did I need anything at walmart. It is such a difficult adjustment, here without you. But we're getting there, just like I know you would want, just like you told me, should you go first. I hope you like the marker I chose, hopefully it will be set up Thursday. It was one of those things we were going to do together, but I did it Saturday, without you. I do dread some of the things coming, that will be done without you..but I wouldn't ask you to come back, not from where I know you are..
 I do miss you though, and I do love you.. always..

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