Lessons Across Time

 

Not being employed or having a productive hobby gives me plenty of time to think. From time to time I've had conversations face to face or online with people who have mentioned that they can tell a difference in me. I'll be honest, I can tell a difference in me.

Back when the virus thing first showed up, there was some concern but not much as I felt safe in my job,I knew they were doing what they thought best to protect the employees and I didn't go much of anywhere after work anyway.

Then, I got the call letting me know I no longer had a job. That rocked my world a bit. I just wasn't expecting that after having been told often that I would always be there and my job was secure. I was hurt. I was angry. I felt betrayed.

But. I love it when there's a but..Looking back now after over time, I can see that this has worked out for the best. Now, over four years along, the mental angst I felt then, has faded to a point of nothing more than the annoyance of a mosquito. The desire to spew vocal venom over the loss of job and the way it was done is gone. Because I can see all that has come since.

 My parents are getting up in years. They have health issues and needs that I am able to assist with since I am here. Time passing has taken a heavy toll on them, but it tends to do that to us all.

I was told when I was let go that I would be called back when things picked up. I needed something to do while I waited. Yard work.

What began then simply as a project to give me something to do and make my yard look better in appearance and be safer in use has brought about so much more. That is only strengthened by my current home and yard projects.

When the first section was completed, there was a really good feeling of accomplishment. There was also a feeling of peace inside as I was doing the work all on my own as much as possible. If something was too heavy, I did ask my son for help, but most times I found a way to get things done on my own. The job I had, always kept me pretty busy, so I'm used to activity, but I was using muscles that I didn't ordinarily use. Still, parts of it became methodical. When you start doing something like that, you can get a rhythm and it helps bring about a feeling of peace.

As each section of the yard was cleared, I felt better. The first time I found many snakes along the way, most nonvenomous, but a few that were dangerous and who were immediately relocated. This time I have not found any reptiles other than the very small and totally harmless.

I've been reading books that are educational and enlightening. I have not been able to sit and read in forever. There was always an interruption. Because of that my focus and attention span had suffered. Still now, years in, I find myself late in the evening reading and finding peace in the moments.

With all of the time that I have had here on my own, all the time to search my own heart and mind, I have found something that was long misplaced..me. I do still have those moments of stress, especially when I am concerned about my son or parents. Otherwise, there is a peace inside that has long been missing. I am very happy at long last with me. I like me, I like the life I have been given, I am content. I will admit that there are those rare moments when the solitude can be lonely, but it is a passing moment. I feel that this time has purpose. If I were popular and highly social, I could not be here for my parents. They need me more than I need a social status.

I am blessed with a home that sits in the woods. I can listen to the birds, I can watch what ever critter wanders by, I can watch the hummingbirds defend the feeders from each other. I have a body that still can do pretty much what I ask, I have a mind that is hungry for more understanding of expanded topics. I have a heart that loves and I have a soul that while seeks to find ways to make life better for others, is content with mine otherwise. The days of darkness have faded to near nothing, a disappearing point in the distance. Time heals and time instructs. I feel I have grown in many ways.  My mind, heart and spirit knows where my help comes from, my help comes from the Lord.

Psalm 121 1

I lift up my eyes to the hills-- where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

I run to You

When the pain grows

and I feel, I can bear no more

You are my Healer

I run to You

seek Your touch

in my life, on my heart

I seek You

When the darkness grows deeper

and I cannot see

the road before me

I run to You

You are my Light

I seek Your guidance

When the storms grow fierce

I run to You

seeking You

as You are my Sanctuary

You keep me safe within Your arms

wrapped securely, in Your love

When the days are bright

laughter and love abounds

I run to You

I seek You, to share with You

this miracle that You give

You are Creator of all

You are love

I run to You

You are joy, You are laughter

You are songs of peace and forgiveness

You are love

I run to You

Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com

The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites

also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com

Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises

When I struggle

There are days Lord, that I struggle

You see me, as I stagger under this load

fighting to remain true

even as I grow weary from the trials

weakness assails me, I stumble

You see me, I know, and I am ashamed

when I fall

when temptation for a moment wins

and a poison tongue runs free

whispering words best left unsaid

out of anger, out of fear, out of emotions of the world

when I should turn to You

cry out to You, for Your strength

gaining the ability to tame a runaway tongue

silence the words that slip out unbidden

temptation to speak harmful words

hurtful words that are not Your words of love and healing

I struggle here as I stagger

You call to me, I hear Your voice within my heart

speaking to me, calling me to You

rest in You, I find, healing of heart

cleansing of spirit, forgiveness

of my transgressions against You

my stumblings, my giving in Lord, how that must hurt You

even as You know our ways and weakness

even as You know, I will stumble and fall

You are here, to lift me up

No one has love as You do,

understanding and compassion immeasurable

I hear Your voice calling to me

as I grow weary, Your open arms a sanctuary of peace

Your love a safe harbor of healing

there are days, when I grow weak, weary

those days, I hear Your voice calling to me

calling me to come to You

and find rest and restoration

calling me, to come to You

Your love fills me and I need nothing more

Blessed, a collection of God given inspirational poetry by Rebecca Stepp Revels is available now @

http://stores.lulu.com/store.php?fAcctID=2137587

and now also at

Amazon, Books-a-Million and Barnes and Noble .com

The Legend of Dragon's Doom:a Young Warrior's vow, by RS Revels is available @

http://www.lulu.com/content/paperback-book/the-legend-of-dragons-doom-a-young-warriors-vow/7505820

and other online sites

also @ Bookin' It, your mobile bookstore @ www.bookin-it.com

Available now @ http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/blessed-in-his-promises/12670945:

Blessed in His Promises

Memories and healing along a Dirt Road

My home, The Dirt Road. This place holds memories, is memory. How much fun was had here growing up. Not a question, but a statement of fact. Today, this place is my healing.

How many times as a youth, did I walk this road? How many miles were logged on a bicycle up and down this narrow lane to nowhere and everywhere? The woods that line this road have been home to many grand adventures. Saving homesteaders, discoveries were made, new trails across the wilderness were found.
 In these woods, walking along the mirade of paths that meander through there is a peace. A lovely quiet where most sounds are those of nature. Sounds of civilaztion muted. Often I have walked these paths seeking the peace and healing of the heart.
 As a youth I waded in the creeks, drinking from the places where the water ran fast, or from where my grandfather had sank a pipe deep into the ground where a fresh water spring waited. No bottled water will ever touch that taste. Searching for crawdads in the creeks, chasing tadpoles and catching turtles all along the creeks that crisscross through the woods. Wandering the woods, because I did not fit in with my peers. Wandering the woods and finding a large part of my balance. My family gifting me with the rest. Immaturity and innocence can be a curse or a gift. All that time spent wandering the woods have helped to hone my ability to handle alone time and enjoy it.
 As a teen, I spent the time there as I sought to find myself. Struggling to grow, straining against boundaries, arguements that sent me along the trails to regain control of my temper. Running as fast as I could muster to work the anger out. Knowing my way in those woods, as well as I knew the back of my own hand. Never afraid to go alone, never afraid to go deep into the woods. Enjoying the ability to disappear into another world away fron the one I struggled to fit into.
 As an adult, home from a failed marriage I looked to the woods, but did not follow the trails I love. An adult that thought myself too big for the woods. Too mature to need what was there.
 As an adult facing cancer I returned to my beloved woods. Walking the paths that I had loved as a youth, paths that were filled with memories that came flooding back. The quiet of the woods my healing peace. Even after the many years that seperated my walks, the memories have not dimmed.
 Riding on my grandfather's big red tractor through the woods to the power line in search of the best wood's dirt. Walking the road with dad at Christmas time looking for the best evergreen tree. Sitting in a patch of ferns that grew over waiste high only in one spot, a spot that had to have a spring somewhere underground that just never broke the surface. Thoughts of those challenges of riding bikes down the hill trying to avoid riding right into the creek.
 Walking the paths I have discovered many gifts waiting to be found. Flowers I remembered, but thought long died out still grow there. During those long summer days attracting butterflies and bees along with the occasional praying mantis. Ground hog and snakes, deer and hawk..owl that sit in the trees and watch you pass by. Thousands of photos later, hundreds of miles walked with an uncounted number of hours spent walking I know my contentment. I know my peace.
  These woods, these paths in the woods growing along the side of this narrow, dead end dirt road  is where I find the best of quiet times. It is easy to leave all the noises and concerns of life behind as I walk and listen in the stillness. I feel the healing love, the assuring peace of my Lord walking with me there. Nothing is a distraction, nothing is a disturbance, nothing covers the voice of peace and love.
 That I find here, on this road- that I call home.