Sunday, May 7, 2017
Two months today. You have been gone two months today. I've tried to ignore it. I've tried to look around it. I've tried to pretend, but I can't.
I took more flowers and put on your grave today. They had put more dirt on it where it had settled. Deanna and Barbara have brought flowers and other things for your grave. I know you're not there, I know where you are. You did ask me once though, "when I'm gone, you're not going to forget me are you?" No dear, no, I'm not ever going to forget you. So nearly every Sunday since, I've walked down to your grave, just for a moment or two, just to visit. I'm going to get a marker for your grave just as soon as I get some insurance money.
It was funny about that twenty. I told someone at work about my finding another penny and telling you thanks for the reminders, but did you have any twenties to share, and my finding that twenty dollar bill in the drawer when I was looking for something. They told me that I needed to be careful for what I asked for. I told them, "Then I guess asking for that purple jeep with the moon roof is out of the question" You should have seen his face. I'll be honest honey, I took that twenty and bought two butterfly bushes. I was watching the butterfly dance about the other day with nowhere to find anything to rest on or feed on, so I bought those today. They're small, but hopefully that will help them live.
Two months, has it really only been two months? It seems like forever, and yet, it seems like only yesterday. There are times I find myself checking the phone to see if you've called, I know you won't but.. its still difficult at break times at work. I always called you on nearly every one, now.. I'm at a loss. I start cleaning the house and I expect to hear the phone start ringing. I started clearing some of those small trees away from the mail box, I could hear you telling me, "its about time, that was looking bad." I cleaned the saplings away from part of the front fence as well. I didn't get a lot done as it kept trying to rain. I'll get it finished though, they keep saying snakes are bad this year and I don't want one hiding in the yard anywhere.
A couple of people from church have given me flowers or bulbs. They are really generous of heart. I still wish I could find some coneflowers, you know how I love those. Maybe I'm looking too early, but the butterfly and bees always seemed to love them.
Two months, how could it possibly have been two months?
How angry I could get at you, how frustrated with you, but oh sweet heavens how I miss you.