Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Decisions- decisions

I've been struggling with this decision making process. I'm just not accustomed to doing this alone. I was always able to say, "let me talk it over with my husband". Only now, I can't. I'm sitting here knowing that I have decisions upcoming that I am going to need to decide, but I keep putting it off.
 On the afternoon that I found out that my husband had passed away, I sat there in the lab at work for nearly twenty minutes with my manager asking if she needed to drive me home or in the very least follow me. I made the decision that no, I was fine. I didn't need for her to go out of her way, I didn't have far to go, I'd be fine. I drove home in a state of shock, my mind going ninety, and not going at all. I was trying to decide how I was going to tell my family, when my family already knew. That decision was taken out of my hands.
 There was a lot coming at me from any and every direction. A lot of concerned people asking questions, trying to find out how to get my husband's earthly body home, all of the things that was necessary but confusing. A friend told me about a group that handled situations such as mine, I had talked with the company my husband worked for, but not fully understood what they were telling me. My not comprehending had me making a decision that I probably would not have made, not have needed to make, but did. As it was, my making the decision that I did, left more money to put toward the funeral.
 Once I knew that his earthly body was finally here (after a week and a half) we had to decide how he would be dressed, and his casket. I asked his daughter and my sister-in-law to go with me and help me. I wanted to make sure there was no misunderstandings. Together, we decided on his clothing, dress slacks and a pull over shirt, the clothing that we were so used to seeing him in. The casket was a gentle shade of blue. It turned out to be the best choices.
 I had to decide on his services, who to ask to be pall bearers, what songs, who to ask to speak. The choices were not difficult in who, everyone I asked was more than willing to speak, most more than willing to help with the pall bearing responsibility. Physical limitations stopped some, one had to work, another just couldn't. I understood. The songs were more difficult, he loved the old gospels and there are so many good ones. I finally decided and between me, the pastor of our church and the funeral director we had everything set in motion. I had decided that out of all of our options, that he would be buried in our church cemetery.
 One by one, these decisions were made, either me, or me with help making the choices. How I have prayed over these things. How I have prayed since his passing.
 But, I still have so many different things to make choices on. How am I going to take care of this? How am I going to handle that? Should I do this, or go there, or wait?
 It was amazing that this morning, on the radio station that I've been listening to, there was a message shared by Dr. Charles Stanley on being positive in decisions and how to go about making Godly decisions. There I was, trying to get ready for work and taking notes as quickly as I could. He only gave half the message this morning, the rest will be tomorrow morning. It took my breath away, that here I was, trying to find out if God was hearing me in my prayers on this question, and then this is on the radio. So, He is listening and He is letting me know the best way, the only way to go about knowing the decision I'm seeking and deciding on, will be the right one.
 I will be so glad, when all of this is taken care of, when there will be no more decisions of this sort that have to be made. When my biggest concern will be whether I need to wear a sweater or not, or what to prepare for supper.  The power of prayer, is mighty indeed, and I know, that as long as I follow the will of God, then all of the decisions will be the right ones.

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