Sunday, July 24, 2011

You too can be a survivor of domestic abuse

You too- can be a survivor of domestic abuse.

So that person you are with. The one you are married to or sharing a life with has turned out to be something other than what you thought. The person you thought was your knight in shining armor, your loving princess, your partner in life-- is in truth evil incarnate. Suddenly, the perfect life you had envisioned has shattered before you. Instead of a wonderful life, you are living in a nightmare.

My first comment is that once all options of trying to save this relationship have been considered and or tried and found to not work, then you are left with the once choice. Get out. You can't save a life on your own. Your tormentor may not think or admit they are doing anything wrong. In their misguided mind, it is all your fault. You are the target, you are the victim, you are the cause of your own torment. Wrong. That is a lie, that is not true, that is an excuse from a weak and wicked person.

You have come to the decision to leave. The split may be civil and amicable, but most likely won't be. Your tormentor will not readily and easily give up their control of you. This means you will need a plan of action.

Know your friends that will help you and in the process keep you safe. One(s) that can be trusted to keep your secrets.

Contact your local shelter for battered women. Let them help you escape if your friends can not. Let them give you a safe haven until you can safely get back on your feet.

Plan carefully your leaving. You may need to employ the help of your local police to get your belongings out of the house if you fear a violent reaction. Different areas have different rules and regulations on such matters, check with them and see if they can help you.

Enlist family.

Then, once you are out. Once you are away begin your life new. If you have been told you are the reason you are getting hit- don't believe it. If you have been told you are the reason, you ;make them do it" make them hit you, yell at you, mistreat you. Don't believe it, that isn't so. An abuser hits, screams, curses, controls because they themselves are weak and incapable of self control.

Become strong in who you are. Be strong in your own inner self. You are a beautiful, nice, educated person who is quite capable of doing many things.

Become self supporting. Even if you have to go back to school, even if you have to start at the very bottom working your way up. You are strong, you are intelligent, you are worthy.

It will take a while to grow out of the type person you have been brow beaten into being. It may take a while before you can walk without worrying over who may speak, or who may be waiting at home. But you can do it. You can be the person who you really are.

Don't stay and take it thinking you can change them. It won't happen, it won't. Escape, get away, grow. Be strong, you can do it. You too, can be a survivor.
This is a brief, condensed version of possibilites for escape. The main thing here, is to believe in yourself. Not to allow another person to convince you that you are less than who you are. You are not the things they try to convince you that you are. They are trying to make themselves look the victim, they want you to appear to be the problem, the one at fault, the one with blame..
but you are not at fault.. you can be..will be.. once you escape.. a survivor.. it is possible..


  1. Great advice!

    No woman should have to put up with being abused!

  2. This is good advice. It is so sad to know that these women (or men) don't think they have a way out. It must have to do with low self-esteem issues.