I don't know if you can read this, or maybe you already know. I don't know myself if you can see us and know what's going on. I don't know if you can hear me when I'm talking to you, but I hope you can.
We're trying really hard to get used to this new normal. This rest of our life time with out you. It isn't easy, you were so much a part of our every day, even when you weren't here. You never liked missing out on things, but being a truck driver, a long haul truck driver, you did miss out on a lot. You did however call often and we called you every chance we got. Now, since there are no phones in Heaven, I just talk and hope you hear. I just act, and wonder if you see.
Today was a busy day. It started out slow, I have a difficult time getting started anymore. I can get up and get to work and do what I need to do there, but on my days off, I simply want to sit in this room, or on the front porch in your chair and hide from everything else. I can't do that of course, it isn't healthy nor productive. The world didn't stop and the bills still need to be paid and groceries bought. I did that today since I was off for Good Friday. I went by Lowe's as well. I was looking for flowers, I wanted something to put some color on the front porch and maybe draw in a butterfly or two. I just have to hope they fly high enough that Bella can't bother them. Crazy dog thinks anything that flies is a good target. I found two citronella plants at walmart, I know the ones I had on the porch last year you said that you could never smell, and I admit that I never really smelled their scent, these I bought today, you can smell them from out in the yard so maybe I will be able to sit on the porch without being bothered by the mosquitoes. I bought two small plants that I've already transplanted into a hanging basket. I've moved the others back outside from the back porch. They do need sunlight and water therapy then I believe they will fill back out.
I did some cleaning in the house, I still need to get this room. I need to clean up the destruction from the kittens, but I miss them and this mess reminds me of them. I found out today that mom has had her surgery and healed up and should be up for adoption this weekend. One of the babies has already been adopted, the rest will be there with mom waiting on new forever homes. They've had shots and other heath stuff taken care of, stuff that would have been difficult for us, even if we had only kept one. I knew they needed a better home than what we could give, and I did promise they would be gone. I also have to figure out where I am going to store some of those blankets I purchased last year, now that the weather is finally warm and I no longer need them.
I did several loads of laundry and will run the dishwasher once the wash machine is finished with the last load. James needs to haul the trash off again, how we make so much trash is beyond me. There is just me and James, I really think we have gremlins coming in, bringing someone else's trash for us to deal with. But why not? The mail carrier keeps leaving other people's mail in our box even after I took a white marker and wrote in big letters our name and number. Speaking of mail, I know you like to know what comes, today was just the Lowe's bill, nothing more. And yes, we have the money for that one.
Jennifer's husband, Jason, helped me get the plastic down and anchored this afternoon. Miles tried to help, but the rocks we were putting in place were just a tad too heavy. I moved all of the plants down there. It took three trips to get all of the plants, the tools I needed and the water and fertilizer down there, carrying them in the wheel barrel. I started planting, but it was getting late and I knew I'd never get done on my own so I went back to the house and got James. Together we got everything in the ground. He said that he would help me get the rabbit fence up tomorrow. You would be so proud of him, or maybe you are. Maybe you see how he is stepping up and trying to be more mature and help more. There are times when he comes in from work really tired, just as I do. I try not to ask too much of him. I don't want him to burn out on me. I may need to hit him up to help me plant the cucumbers that I didn't get planted today, Monday afternoon so I won't bug him too much.
There is a lot that needs to be done. I need to finish cleaning the yard, getting up those leaves and the trash that has blown over from the neighbors and the trash that managed to escape our own trash cans. There is stuff that needs to be repaired or replaced. Its a never ending cycle, but I'm trying. By the way, do you have any idea what became of the screen from the living room window? I was going to open the window today until I saw it was missing.
Did I tell you that I had my mammogram last week, and saw Dr. Schultz this week. Everything is good, she told me again that I was boring and that she would see me next year. It was really quick and I was able to get back to work, I only lost a little over an hour.
I imagine that its an exciting time up there right now. You're getting to celebrate Easter with the King. The choir in our church is no match for the Heavenly choir of angels. I'm sure you've already found all of your family and together you will be joining in and singing all manner of hymns of praise. Walmart has some flowers for 97 cent a bunch. I purchased some last week and a few more today. Sunday, if not tomorrow, I'll bring them up and place them on your grave. I know you aren't there, and I know you aren't a flower person, but I did it anyway. I miss you.
I sat out on the porch for a while tonight. It was peaceful out there. It was oh so quiet, I could almost hear you whispering.
Good night my love, tomorrow is another day, another chance to try and get accustomed to this new normal without you. I miss you and I love you.