Today wasn't such a bad day. It was actually almost good. Well, it was good, I'll be honest. Even with the oft times pouring rain, even though mom didn't want to go out in the rain, even though, the obvious is still there, it was a good day.
I did still wake off and on during the night, listening to the rain falling. But I'd pull a pillow close, or draw the cover back up and snuggle down and allow sleep to over take me once again. The alarm almost scared me when it went off so that I would get up in time for church. The cool of the room had me not wanting to get up, but I knew I had to, even if it were only to prepare breakfast for James who is helping with the sound at church this month. Since I was up, I would definitely go on to church. I was glad that I did. Bible study was interesting, but the service this morning really pulled me out of my sadness and into the merciful grace of our loving God. Through song, fellowship, and the message, I found a peace that I had misplaced. Now I'm sure that I'll still go through rough moments, but thank you God, that I have those moments like today to help me balance things out. That will help me walk through this storm and see the rainbows you have waiting on the other side. You have placed many caring people there, who are always keeping up with how we are doing. They ask questions, not to be nosy, but to make sure of how we are and if we have needs. Yes, we do, but I know You have a plan and everything will work out.
Since mom didn't want to go out in the rain James and I went. He needed a new tire for that motorcycle and some stuff for his computer. I bought him a pair of boots, the ones he was wearing were literally coming apart and that wasn't good. Even though James doesn't like to go shopping, he didn't give me too much grief, even being patient when I wanted to walk out into the garden center. The only thing I bought was some stuff to help feed and protect my roses, newspaper in hopes of coupons and well, ice cream. I still didn't find the type fencing I wanted for across the yard, but that may be just as well. We'll see if there is a better way to keep people from driving in my yard.
After James and I got back home we've pretty much been in separate parts of the house. But we're still together, we still talk to each other from time to time and we are getting better. James and I talked a little on the way to get that tire. I let him know that even though he may not realize it, or may not think so, I was missing his dad terribly. I did not go into all of the stuff that I've posted online, I didn't think he really wanted to hear all of that, not yet anyway. He did say that he wished he had known the man that was in the photos that I shared of when he was younger, and healthier. I wish he had as well. I think that was a large part of the sadness in me a lot of times, I remembered that man, and wondered how my husband had left himself so far behind.
Its easy I guess, to allow yourself to slip. You get a little older, a little more tired, you exercise less, you don't eat as well, you don't take good care of yourself and your health suffers. It becomes a catch 22, you're too tired to exercise, you've lost the desire to exercise, so you begin to gain weight, you begin to suffer the ailments brought on by the weight, you know you need to lose the weight, but you are too tired to exercise. You gain the weight, it is more difficult to do things, even as you know that in doing things you would breathe better, feel better, live better.
Even though, we are not promised tomorrow, we should take care of our health, for our own well being and for the ones we love and who love us. So that we will possibly be around longer, and they will know the person we are. We can get out and enjoy doing things with them, actively doing things.
Tomorrow I will try to start things in motion again, now that I have the certificates and can do something. Tomorrow, I will try to have another good day, remembering the good things from today. Recalling the good things of past years. Taking the best parts of today, into tomorrow and hoping that tomorrow feeds on today and it too, is a good day.
Today, when it seemed that the falling rain had slacked off somewhat, I walked up to the beds where I had planted the flower seeds. It looks as if something is coming up, I hope that it is flowers, today's rains, tomorrow's flowers. Today's good day, tomorrow's hope. that tomorrow, will help that day's tomorrow will help the next..and the new normal will be a little bit better.