Before you left, I was listening to a faith based radio station. I have continued to listen only now I have it on every radio I listen to. Even in the car it has replaced that oldies station. The music and the message have helped me immensely as I walk through this. Last night, there was a confirmation that something I am doing is right. There was a small segment on keeping a gratitude journal. I'll be the first to admit that my writing has not been all gratitude, but the gratitude is and always has been there. How could it not be, considering the way we have been blessed?
Last night I found a small hardbound journal and started writing down the things I was thankful for that day. I had no idea, that there was so many small things that added up to almost a full page. I left the book beside my rocker in the bedroom, waiting there, pen beside it, for me to sit down tonight and add the next page of gratitude. I think, even the small things are important. If we don't take note, those things may slip away, seemingly unimportant and not worthy of remembering, but they are. They are because they are each a step forward, as the rungs in a ladder take us up, so do the small things, encourage and build us. Each one, can be that nail in a constructed life of thankfulness.
I've been writing and sharing a lot here online since you left. The words bleed from my heart onto the page. The emotions are here but that means, they aren't bottled up inside, causing who knows what harm. There are times that it is the same emotions, the same things eating at my spirit, attacking and trying to tear me down. I'm making it though, but it is because my strength is not mine.
Another segment on the station was talking about being the salt of the earth and having an impact. Discussing how we could lose our effect just as salt can lose its flavor. Thinking about it, I realize that there are a lot of things I do not do, but along with the do not, there are the things to do. Salt by itself is only an ingredient in a bottle, it does nothing for food, it helps nothing, just sits there in a bottle. Its the same with us, if we don't interact, if we don't share and become a part of life, we do no good for any one or any thing. We are just a life confined. We have to step forward and be a part, but we have to be a right part. Salt loses its flavor due to contamination, it is important that we not contaminate our life. Others are watching, they see what we do, hear our words, see the things we laugh at or don't. It was said that we will never know our full impact, how we flavored life and that fact is not important. We shouldn't worry about numbers, just being the salt, being the light, by using the gifts and talents we have been given.
So I write. I've been writing for as long as I can remember. The words flow forth and I write. The words may not always be good, they may never win me awards or large sums of money, but that is unimportant. These words, I hope bring a bit of reassurance, bring a bit of understanding, bring a bit of peace to a troubled heart. As I write and share the feelings of loss, the feelings of confusion, the feelings of grief, I hope that someone can also see the healing. I hope that as I share, someone can see the source of my hope. I hope, that someone can realize that that same source, can be theirs as well. So I write, I share, I journal everything and I heal....
one day, one step, one breath, one prayer at a time