It happened again last night. After finally drifting off into sleep, clutching my husband's pillow tightly, the awakenings began. I think last night I made it almost to midnight before they started. Of course it was after ten thirty before I went to bed, so that really isn't saying much. I refuse, for now, to try and take anything that will help me rest. My fear is that it will put me to sleep, Benedril does make me sleepy, but not help with the awakenings. With every time I awaken, my rest is broken. I work a full time job from eight am to four pm. I work around machinery, I need my rest. I have things to do here, I need a clear mind to help sort through all this that has been left for me to handle by my husband's death. I have to be able to deal with issues that have arisen that he would have handled, if he were still with us. How am I going to do that, with such a lack of rest?
If I'm going to get more and better rest, I'm going to have to start trying different things to see what will work. Things that do not as I said, involve medication of any kind, over the counter or prescribed.
As it is, right now when I awaken, I do not get up. I try not to toss and turn too much, only allowing myself to find a comfortable position and then being as still as possible, waiting on the return to sleep. I've removed all unnecessary covers from the bed so that it isn't too hot. I've taken the over abundance of pillows away and use only what I need for comfort. I do not turn the television on, but I do play a radio softly. I don't talk to Bella, my German Shepherd unless she gets right up in my face. I don't have a smart phone so I'm not on the phone at a late hour, and there isn't a phone by my bed at all at the moment. All these things that I'm not doing, aren't helping. Changes are in order.
I drink a lot of coffee, when I say a lot, I mean a lot. I am never far from a cup of coffee, and even if that cup of coffee gets cold, as it often does at work, I can still drink it and go on. I always have one on hand when I'm home, I've carried coffee with me when I go out. I have it all the time. It has never bothered me before, but, I was not this old before and I wasn't a new widow. Both I think are working against me. The all powerful, They; say to stop drinking caffeinated beverages early in the afternoon. They, also say that green tea is good for you, so I may try to adjust to drinking green tea in the afternoon and evenings. I believe that most of those are naturally decaffeinated but I'll have to check and make sure, otherwise I'm not doing myself any favors. I know there are also teas that are supposed to help you relax, but again, more research is needed on that one as well.
They, say to get away from all electronics at least an hour, two is better, before bed time. It seems that the lights from what ever device, be it television, computer, video games or smart phones, suppresses the body making the hormone melatonin, which is what signals time for sleep.*
So rather than sit here in front of the computer until right before I call it a night, I may begin to call it done earlier and spend some time reading. There are many books here that I could spend some time in, whether educating myself, easing the pain over my loss, or simply escaping into someone's created world.
They, say not to exercise too late as your body doesn't have time to recover. They have also said that exercise helps you work out the stress of the day.
They, say find a way to relax, to escape from the stress of the day. To ease away from the jacked up mind, emotions of electronics.
I live in an area where I have access to many hiking trails, and even room behind the house to escape and rest. The ones away from the house my Bella will be going with me, as I don't care to go alone.
I'm going to be researching more ways to try and get my full night of sleep back. It may be, that no matter what I try, the main thing that will help will be when I get the death certificate and I can get everything finally settled and my mind will be at a greater sense of ease. We'll see.